SECRET (a bada lee social media story)

16.

Sabrena has struggled with anxiety ever since she was 5 years old. It started with her clinging to her mom every time she tried to drop her off at school. She would cry until she developed a headache or until she threw up.

Oftentimes she would refuse to talk or engage with the other students as if she was scared of them. When she was 6 years old, she would make her dad check her closet and under her bed. It wasn't for monsters, instead she was scared that there was a serial killer hiding waiting to hurt her. Which isn't a normal thought for a 6 year old.

Her parents, not believing in therapy, would tell her if she prayed then she wouldn't worry so much anymore. It wasn't until she had her first panic attack at 11 her parents allowed her to start seeing a psychiatrist. They were still against it, but it was clear prayer wasn't working for her and she needed professional medical help. So she's been taking fluoxetine regularly since she was 11 years old.

After the phone call with her mom Sabrena, and the weight of her mother's disapproval and the stressors of daily life had taken a heavy toll. Her anxiety, a relentless companion that lurked in the shadows, was ready to pounce.

Kirsten had seen her Instagram story when she woke up to use the bathroom. She wondered why Sabrena had been up so late and the nature of the post seemed like she wasn't feeling the best.
She decided to check on her, hoping that everything was alright.

As she quietly left her room and approached Sabrena's door, Kirsten was met with the unsettling sound of heavy breathing from inside. She hesitated for a moment, her heart racing, before calling out for Sabrena.

"Sabrena?" When there was no response, Kirsten gently knocked on the door. Still, there was silence, except for the faint but distinct sound of Sabrena crying and her breathing growing more rapid.

Kirsten's worry deepened, and she knew she couldn't wait any longer. She tried the door, and to her relief, it was unlocked. As she entered the room, she found Sabrena sitting on the floor in front of her bed, rocking back and forth, her tear-streaked face contorted with fear and distress. She was in the midst of a panic attack, trapped in her own terrifying world.

Kirsten rushed over to her, calling her name and trying to understand what had happened. "Brena? What happened?" But Sabrena remained unresponsive, lost in the throes of her panic. Kirsten wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close, and urged her to focus on her breathing.

"Breathe with me, Sabrena," she whispered, her own breathing slow and steady. She gently guided Sabrena's breaths, moving her hand upward for an inhalation and downward for an exhalation. It was a rhythm that Sabrena desperately clung to, a lifeline back to reality.

Finally, as her breathing stabilized, Sabrena looked up at Kirsten, her eyes full of fear and vulnerability. Kirsten continued to hold her, comforting her in silence for a while. Then, Sabrena quietly admitted what had triggered her panic attack — the painful conversation with her mother.

Kirsten listened, her heart aching for her friend. She knew she couldn't fully understand the weight of Sabrena's situation, but she could offer support and a comforting presence. Sabrena, her voice a mere whisper, expressed the fear that her mother hated her.

Kirsten squeezed Sabrena tighter and, after a pause, tried to reassure her. "You can't take what your mother says to heart, Sabrena. It's driven by hate and emotion. Although I know it's easier said than done."

A long silence passed, during which Kirsten held Sabrena close, offering solace in the midst of the storm that raged within her friend. Finally, Sabrena spoke again, this time with a wavering voice. "I don't know if I can continue with the competition, Kirsten."