Differences

t w e l v e

Savon

All while Chris was on daddy duty, it seem like things around my personal life were taking a hit. A few nights after we arrived back, the morning I woke up seemed like a wildfire was started amongst the music industry. A top mogul was linked to Zara was going down in flames. On multiple blogs, old dug up interviews were shared that made this mogul appear very sleezy and cringy which from her own personal stories were true.

"Zara, girl call me back. If I don't hear from your ass I'm doing a wellness check at your house!"

Aside from Zara past coming to the forefront, I haven't heard from Chris since we landed. As well, Mona informed me that we will be tied up in litigation soon over Felish's publishing's. My plate is becoming full and I'm not trying to get lost in it all.

To not become overwhelmed, I made time for myself to destress. Whether that was getting my nails, hair, or buying clothes. I didn't want to be trapped in this quiet house. Being around Felish's items make me feel as if I'll hear her loud mouth walk through those doors, drop her bags at the door, and kick off her heels as she heads to pour her a glass of her favorite cognac. We would sit and have a glass together late at night as she tells me about her day. To know those moments solely just memories now, really gets to me.

"Girl, now you know I don't do pop ups no matter how close we are." Zara opened the doors with exhaustion washed over her.

"And you know you usually answer the phone or at least text me back. I know you heard my message that I was going to come through and check on you."

"I'm fine," Zara shuffled her slippers across her marble floors.

Closing the door behind me, we entered her living room where she took up space on the couch wrapped in her blanket.

"You don't look fine Zara, what happened?"

"Least I'm not drinking, I had to shut down for the day that's all. You aren't the only person who blew up my phone. I don't know how the fuck my mother got my number, I had to block that bitch today. Calling me up asking me if I heard the news, hoe damn near yelling on the phone that I need to get in on this and sue that nigga. Bitch, click! Not today, I'm not beat to deal with all this noise. I will be changing my number too."

"Aren't you the one who told me that I should sue Vinyl? I'm not opposed to the idea. But girl if I'm coming after Vinyl, you need to go after ---."

"Please don't say his name, shit like some bad omen. Had I not healed from that part of my life, I would be in worse condition. It's not even that fact that I'm fucked up over there, it's the voice of my young self trying to claw its way out to throw that nigga in prison where he belong."

"Well, whatever you want to do I'm down with it."

"I'll shake back in a day or two, hopefully this shit won't still be hot topic. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, I know I told you to light Vinyl ass up in a courtroom, and I still stand on that if you choose to get your justice. But I don't want to relive what I tried so hard to keep in the past. I rather sit on the sidelines and be ten toes down for you and any other woman brave enough to do what I'm not interested in. That isn't to say that I'm weak or anything, I'm not scared of shit! For me though, I want to continue to be as private with my life that I can. This isn't over money, shame, or scrutiny. I want to be private. Besides, its a small list of niggas I would need to see in a courtroom. I don't have the energy right now. If spirit tells me it's time, then I'll be lawyered up. Right now isn't the time."

"I understand."

"All I need is my journal to get my feelings out, my sage, and meditation. Which I didn't even get to yet. I want to be in the moment with what is going on without stepping too much into that disgusting energy."