Mind Games (Avengers Wrong Number Fugitive [Natasha Romanoff x teen])

32. What To Ruse

sorry this is late! 

translations... where are they? the bottom... duh

TW: thinking about dying

MARIA'S POV:

Where would my love go when in need of a physical apology gift? Flowers are an obvious no as is big mainstream stores. Something unique, something with meaning. In almost all circumstances Tommy would be right about Natasha, but something feels off. Something misleading, as if somebody wants us to believe she went for a gift. I've seen the signs before, she's throwing us on the wrong track. She doesn't want to be found.

"Let's head back, kids. We can go at this tomorrow." I need to fall into an unlikely character, have them questioning, have them figure it out and go at it tomorrow. It sounds wrong to let them do the work, but it's not. I've got other things I need to do, like figure out WHY she disappeared. They can find where she is, I need to figure out who this is revolving around. Wait.

August was with her and August ran off. 

Дерьмо.

"No, what? I had such a good idea! Come on!" 

I roll my eyes at Tommy, though I feel bad. So I play them right into my hands. "Then go ahead, figure it out yourself." At that I see him thinking as if it's clockwork, as if the hand will strike right on time and he'll know everything playing in my mind. He looks to August and she sighs. She grabs his hand and squeezes it, basically saying 'we've got this.'

August stares at me, not letting go of Tommy's hand. "What do you know that we don't?" she asks. She makes it seem like she's in charge, that she's standing up to a power and winning. She's not.

"I'll deal with that, darling." I say. She winces at the nickname. "You do what you think-"

"No, Maria. No." She says, stepping closer to me, still not releasing the hand. "We're a fucking team. You're not alone in this, we're not going to be your little tools to use when and where you want. What do you know? What aren't you telling us? 'Cause basically five minutes ago you were more than fucking ready to go to like a Target to see if your girlfriend picked up something crap to give to me as a what, an apology? Why can't we just work together? I know you're like a commander and all, but you're also the closest person to my closest person. My mom's dead and Natasha filled that role. You're Natasha's girlfriend. Just help... please."

I stand stoic, breathing in deep. "If you want to look for her, fine. But she doesn't want to be found."

"Didn't we just discuss she was kidnapped?" Tommy butts in, his voice going a bit higher at the end.

I side-eye him. "Stand your ground, Shepherd." 

"What do you mean 'she doesn't want to be found'?" August asks. She lets go of Tommy's hand, finally, to cross her arms. "Tommy's right, we just discussed this."

"Well you should know, spy to spy, that our minds are always thinking of the outcomes. Of the clues." I let her think it out. And she does.

Tommy looks at me, questions peering through his eyes. I send him a look and he backs off immediately. August won't make eye contact, she's lost in thought. She already knows what I do, but her mind is running races around those thoughts. No matter the cost, it's never equal.

She falls down finally, though broken no tears are let loose.

"Go home, Tommy." I say.

"But-"

"Go home."

August looks up and he meets her eyes. She nods slightly and though reluctant, he leaves. Not without a kiss to her head first.

I kneel in front of this girl, used and broken. Shattered but repaired just the slightest. The amount that you feel with the weight of everything. Everything lost and what's been used in and for your favor. And against it.

"Maria..." she finally mumbles, looking up. Her cheeks are bare, sandpaper dry. 

"Yes." I reply, answering her question. 

"I didn't choose this. Spy to spy I didn't have a choice!"

"I know. It's not fair."

She's so much like my Natasha. It's almost like I understand her, as if my empathy runs deeper than just the one I love. 

"Can I- can I hug you, Ri- Maria?" I hear her ask. 

I think about it a second too long, but she doesn't move away. She gives me my time she wishes I didn't need. But she lets me think it out anyway. "Yes, you can." Natasha would be proud, wherever she is right now.

She falls into me, holding her arms tightly around my waist, burying her face right below my collar bone. She's in need of so much love.

I cautiously wrap my arm around her back, rubbing my thumb to try and soothe her. She still doesn't cry, she's too tired. She takes one exaggerated breath and I think that's the end of our interaction, but it's not.

"She shouldn't have to be the one to face my demons. That's not fair."

I close my eyes tight only opening them to speak. "She doesn't play by fair, you know that." 

 "Knowing and wanting are two very different things. So is pain and resilience. I'm done with it all."

It just gets more tiring in this line of work. So you find the little things to love. Like the Black Widow and her chosen daughter Manifest. "Are we gonna try and find her, my dear? Maybe then this will... not be over, but come in smaller portions of your life. The past always catches up, you can't forever say goodbye. But you can deal with it when it comes. Whoever she caught watching you, she's watching them."

She looks up at me. "How do we know he's not watching me right now? Can he hear us? Does he know we know?" 

"I don't know."

"Shouldn't I just... I don't know... die?"

I wrap my other arm around her frame as if letting her loose would make her disappear. As if not holding her would mean she's gone. But no bullshitting is my forte. Especially with a girl who needs to hear it all.

"No. Dying lets everyone else win. You are at the heart of others' deception and gameplay. And lying and cheating and using. But you're just getting out of that. What's the point of death now when you're almost in the clear? Just because your eyes are open to all the bad doesn't mean you don't now see the good."

She pushes her head further into me. "It's tiring."

"It always is. But it's also so fucking rewarding. And that's the best part." I think of Natasha, of my low times, and hers. If I didn't persevere I wouldn't have met her. I wouldn't have met the one that I call home. I fought to stay alive in my lowest times, in the times where others left, and now only because of that, I have a warm bed every night and a family. If Natasha is fighting for August's right to that, the only thing she needs now is August herself. Because only you can fight your demons. You can't let someone else fight your fight or it'll never ever be over.

<3

super duper late, but I've been busy and lazy and tired, but super proud of how this chapter turned out

translationsssss

Дерьмо:
translation: der'mo
meaning: shit