Just a little more

IV. Chapter 10 - I got you a birthday present... can you feel it?

I made a quick trip to the hospital on her birthday, but she was too tired. Between the stress and the preparation for her event, her body was too exhausted and she needed to rest and be helped medically. I left a little "bypass" gift, a card, and left as quickly as I arrived. So I asked Freen to see her home the next day. Since she lives alone, it's easier.

I've had trouble concentrating all day. I'm restless, excited, scared, happy, anxious, confident, so many contradictory adjectives, a merry-go-round of emotions. I've put on my favorite light-gray loose-fitting jogging pants and a black tank top with no bra. I want to be comfortable without showing that our meeting could be romantic. My hair is tied back, but I've kept the make-up from the afternoon photo shoot. Sporty yes, but chic!

I'm standing in front of her door. I blow, several times, and I knock.

Freen opens the door. She looks at me with wide eyes and a radiant smile.

- Wow, Becky, you look... beautiful. Come on in!

She gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I smile and run one hand up her back, caressing it, my precious overnight bag in the other hand on the side behind me. I feel her breast pressed up against mine and I must be really on edge, because this simple contact makes me feel a sensation of excitement in my lower belly. Freen is wearing a short black skirt contrasting with her white legs, and a slightly baggy gray t-shirt cut at the waist with writing on the front. Her hair is loose and her perfume is, as always, an olfactory delight.

I leave my bag in her room, come back into the living room and sit on the sofa. She returns with two cups of red wine, some appetizers in bowls which she places on the coffee table and turns on soft music in the background. The light is subdued, the curtains drawn, giving the place a warm feel. I look intently at the frames on the walls and the knick-knacks on the shelves. She's always had good taste.

- Why are you examining everything like this? You already know the place, don't you? she says, smiling.
- Mmmm, this frame wasn't here last time, I reply, raising an eyebrow.

She approaches me hesitantly. "Bec?" I bring the glass to my mouth, without looking at her, and take a sip of my wine. Seeing no reaction from me, she approaches again and again, then picks up my cup and sets it down on the small table. She then takes my hand in hers and tenderly strokes it with her thumb.

- I want us to get back to what we had, Becky.

She stares at me intently.

- I know I've made a mistake, but I want you to know that you are, along with my mother, the most precious person in my life. I don't want to lose you and I'll do everything in my power to make it work.

I breathe softly. I think about the bag. My cheeks heat up.

- I don't want to hesitate anymore. I was scared but those days without you were torture, knowing I could lose you I......I was crushed. I had an emptiness that only you could fill. I'll never forgive myself for the pain I caused you.The hurt I caused you. But I love you and if you agree I want to be with you, I want us to be together, for real, I want us to try.

My God, that look of love, how can I resist?

But I'm a little lost. I've waited so long for this moment, everything's bubbling up inside me, I want to scream and take her in my arms, but at the same time I still have this little voice telling me to be wary. I feel vulnerable and I'm not used to it. I like to know where I'm going, everything has to be organized and scrupulously carried out. With Freen it's just the opposite. It's spontaneous, full of surprises and unpredictable feelings, and that scares me as much as it reassures me, because it's her.