Just a little more

VII. Chapter 20 - Haters

When I get back from the shooting, Freen is curled up on the sofa. When I left this morning, she was in high spirits and had even promised me a new surprise later that evening. Except that I hadn't heard from her all day, and I know her well enough to know that something has happened. She didn't answer her phone or messages. So I hurried back, hoping to find her at the apartment.

- Freen baby? What's up? What's going on?

Freen throws herself into my arms without saying a word, crying. I take her gently and lay us down on the sofa.

- Hey, shhhh, talk to me.

She sniffs. Still nothing.

- Has something happened? I'm worried about you, please talk to me.
- S...so much hate...

Crap. Social networking. I know she's fragile. Very fragile indeed, even more so since the video with Seng and all those anti groups that have sprung up. She's been on medication for several months now, but that doesn't stop her relapsing from time to time. And when that happens, I'm so afraid I'm not up to it. I panic without showing her, I stress and I'm scared.

I hug her tightly, kissing her head. I wait for her to calm down a bit.

- What have you read or seen, baby?
- I know I shouldn't read the comments or give any importance to any of this, but it's so humiliating, so horrible what some people write about me, about us. Such hatred Bec - she looks at me crying - why do they hate me so much? What did I do wrong to deserve this?
- Nothing my love - I feel my eyes tear up - I know it's hard, but you have to be strong. I'm with you. Those who know you know what an incredible and unique person you are and this what's important. - I kiss her on the mouth, a light kiss - You've got lots of fans who love and support you. - I kiss her wet eyes - And you have plans. Lots of plans.

Freen continues to cry silently. I lay her down on the sofa, cover her with a blanket and bring her a glass of water. She takes my hand just as I want to leave.

- Stay with me, please.
- I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to change clothes. I'll be right back. Okay?

She nods and watches me go, her eyes glassy and lifeless. Such sadness. I slip on a pair of tracksuits and a sweatshirt. I text P'Pop and P'Beer to let them know she's okay, in case she can't work tomorrow. I sit on the bed for 5 minutes, completely desolate. I feel the tears welling up and end up crying silently with my face buried in my hands. It's hard, very hard. Seeing her like this is very difficult for me.

She's my pillar.
My rock.
I wouldn't be here without her.

I know my character, I know I'm stubborn, when I made my mind about something I go for it and I give all I have to succeed, but she's always put me first, she's made me the Becky everyone knows. She's my best friend, the love of my life, my business partner. Seeing her like this reminds me of the harsh reality of this business and of our lives right now. She always told me she wouldn't make a career of it, that she didn't have the shoulders for it, but I'm not yet ready to do all this without her. I'm alone when she's not around. And every time I have a crisis, I'm afraid she'll give up. I'm afraid she'll abandon me.

A little calmer, I wipe away my tears and return to the living room. Freen seems to be sleeping peacefully in a fetal position. I look at her again with a tear in my eye as I stroke her hair. I rest my head on the edge of the sofa and feel a hand on me.

- I'm so sorry.
- No baby, don't be sorry, it's normal, we all have our ups and downs. I'm here for you.

She looks at me with big, dark, frightened eyes, her nose red and irritated, her lips parted, as if she wants to tell me something I'm not going to like. I don't want to. I refuse.