In the Shadows

Part Two: the Dance

   
I unpacked my room in a hurry. And by unpack I mean that I cut open the wardrobe boxes and poured the contents on the floor. Something told me my typical 'alternative' style clothes would not fit the theme of a back to school dance. I dug through the pile of concert t-shirts and ripped jeans, wondering what the other people would be wearing. I decided it would be better to at least feel comfortable and wear something I liked.

It's not exactly the prom anyway, I thought to myself.

    I opted for a pair of shorts and a band shirt that I had cut the neckline off of. The sleeves fell off my shoulders, so I put on a lacy camisole underneath. Most importantly, I put on my boots: my dusty, broken in, cowboy boots. I wore my favorite feather earrings, layers of beaded bracelets, and a butterfly necklace. I looked myself over in the mirror as I did my make up, simple winged eyeliner. With each step, I had hoped my outfit would give me some confidence. Worst case scenario, I make a fool of myself in front of these people and spend sophomore year being bullied even more than last year.

Freshman year was a hard one. I had finally settled myself in with a good group of friends. My grades were good. I was having fun. And the boy I had significant feelings for was reciprocating those feelings. For a minute, I felt like I was on top of the world. Even the people who teased me for no reason didn't seem to get to me as much. Until one day, someone decided to spread a rumor about me that cost me all of those. After my friends turned their backs on me, I fell into a depression. I wasn't able to motivate myself to complete any of my school work and finished the year with a few failed classes. Not long after that, I was told it was time to pack up and move. At first I was devastated, but then I thought a fresh start might be nice. A new school where I don't have a false bad reputation could be a good thing.

Maybe my mom was right after all.

We arrived at the dance just before 6 p.m. The sun was still up, and several kids lingered outside of the school with their friends. Thankfully, most people I saw were dressed casually and I wouldn't stick out completely.  I hesitated to open the door. Procrastination ended when I heard the locks pop up.

"Mom's gonna be mad at us both if you don't get out." My dad encouraged gently.

He never quite knew how to connect with me, but he always tried. He and mom met in high school, and fell in love fast. Or so they said. I didn't know how much I believed the whole love at first sight thing. Nonetheless, it wasn't long after they graduated that my brother came along. My dad sacrificed a lot since then. He would have given anything to give his kids all the opportunities that he never had. This big fancy school was definitely one of those.

I lingered in the parking lot, watching my dad's muddy truck drive down the street and disappear behind the hills. This school was something like I have never seen before. It was an outdoor campus; a different building for each subject, with pathways lined with lockers painted in the school colors. There were large patches of soft green grass between each building as well. In the distance I could see a tall red fence, locked tight, protecting the athletic fields from the outside world. Manicured to perfection, there lay a large football field with metal bleachers built into the hill beside it. The brand new score board was illuminated from a distance by the massive lights of the baseball field. The diamond made of grass could have passed for a professional stadium. The dugout was bigger than most studio apartments, filled with private cubbies and custom gear, buckets of bubble gum and a fresh stock of sports drinks. The season was far from beginning yet the school's initials and mascot were painted in front of the pitches mound with great care. This must be a big source of pride for the whole school.

The heavy gymnasium doors swung open, parent volunteers waved for the kids to start moving inside. The tall wooden bleachers were pushed in against the wall, turning a basketball court into a dance hall. As I stepped onto the laminated floor, bass from the giant sound system filled my chest. I couldn't contain my smile, the music washed away my loneliness. I loved to dance.