In the Shadows

Part Seven: the Decline

Days bled into weeks. Sun up or down all felt the same. I was underwater: dizzy and losing my breath.

I only saw Cain at school once after the movies. We didn't speak at all, I turned away and had avoided him and his friends as best as I could. That was all the effort I could muster. I hadn't turned in any of my homework, I stopped talking to everyone around me, including my family.

Everything was heavy and I was so tired.

One rainy autumn afternoon, the silence was broken.

"There's my sweet little friend!" Maddy's cheery voice bounced off the lockers. Everyone else seemed to move by in a blur, but Maddy was still. I was pulled towards her like a moth to flame. She wrapped me in a hug and I nearly fell apart right there. I buried myself in her embrace.

She took my face in her hands, "What's wrong?"

I don't know how she knew. I forced a quick grin and shook my head, "I'm fine."

"We will talk about this later." She said firmly, "First, there's someone I want you to meet."

She turned halfway around reaching out to grab someone, but no one was there. Maddy whipped her head around quickly, scanning the hall for what - who- she had lost.

"I guess they had to get to class..." she mumbled to herself before hugging me again, "Find me later. You need to talk to someone."

Maddy kissed my forehead before skipping and twirling down the hall. Deep down, I knew she was right. I decided to skip class and made my way to the front office instead, signing myself up for an appointment with the counselor.

***

Later that day, thunder rumbled in the distance. It was a dark and dreary day. I shuffled my feet on the carpet to try and dry the rain off my sneakers while waiting to be called into the counselor's office. The administration building was bland and clinical inside; bare white walls, a long simple black desk for the receptionist in front, and a row of black doors down a hallway.

    Just as I sat in one of the chairs- giving the full doctor's office waiting room effect- the further door in the hallway swung open. Out emerged a very southern woman. Her straw colored hair was curled and pinned high on her head like a beehive of hairspray. The rouge on her cheeks were as thick as her wrinkles were deep. I wonder if she ever spent time outside with sun protection. Her blouse was made of denim, only slightly a lighter blue than her high waisted pants. Though not even her two inch, hot pink, acrylic nails could distract from the dinner plate of a belt buckle she wore. The amount of rhinestones on it would put most arts n' crafters to shame.

She waved her rounded hand at me. With a heavy Deep South accent, she said, "Come on back dear."

Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I walked into her office feeling more anxious than ever.

Maddy is right, I told myself, I should talk to someone before things get bad again.

The first thing I noticed on her desk was the largest water bottle I have ever seen, filled to the top with iced tea. Behind her desk was a pitcher, brewing even more tea. Her walls were covered in photos of her family, mostly grandkids. There were pens scattered across the desk, each with faux flowers taped on the end. Her eyes were locked on the computer screen, her nails furiously clacking at the keys.

"Alright, sweetie. I am Ms. Lambeaux, welcome to our lovely school! What can I help you with? Need to change a class?" She spoke while still focused on the screen.

I squeezed my hands tight, digging my nails deep into my palms, "Actually, I need to talk to someone about something that happened."

"Was it a bully? Teenage girls can be nasty, you just pay them no mind."

"No, it was- um, it was a boy. He asked me out and..."

Ms. Lambeaux turned away from the screen finally, her eyes bright, "Oh really? Well, that's exciting. Is this your first lil' boy friend? Do ya need condoms?"

I looked down at my shoes. My skin was crawling with anxiety, I thought I might throw up if I don't just say it. With a deep breath, I forced myself to say, "I went on a date a few weeks ago and he... forced himself on me."

"Hmm," She leaned back in her squeaky desk chair. "Are ya sure?"

My blood ran cold.

"You know, these teenage boys, they just can't help themselves around all these pretty girls. Did you maybe mislead him a bit? A lot of you girls flirt without meaning to, I'm sure it was nothing."

I was in shock. "I did not flirt, or- or lead anyone on."

Her smile dropped, "Honey, what do you want from me?"

"I don't know." I whispered. I felt my body begin to shiver.

"Listen, I've seen you around campus with that Wilson boy. His dad is a great teacher. And he's a good kid, the best forward on our soccer team. They got a big district game coming up, right? I'll bet he just got an eensy bit nervous around a pretty girl like you. I would hate to make a big ugly mess over a little misunderstanding."

She grinned, her eyes squinting under her crows feet. Now my stomach was really turning.

I held my breath when I spoke, "I know what happened. He wasn't nervous. There was no confusion- "

"Tell you what," she interrupted, "You go talk to Cain. Tell him that you were uncomfy with your date. He's a nice boy! If you're still upset after the season ends, we can all get together and have a little talk. M'kay?"

My vision went white. I took my bag and stormed out of her office. I ran out into the rain, across the amphitheater and into the nearest restroom. I vomited twice before the tears came up. I couldn't stop my entire body from shaking. I laid on the cold linoleum floor as the toilet flushed. Curling into a ball, I held myself.

What am I supposed to do now?

***

    The bell rang to start lunch break. I didn't go back to class after my counselor meeting. There was no chance I was going to eat today, my stomach was still in knots. I walked to the math building with my head hung low in the rain. Just as I stepped under the overhang leading into the building, I was stopped.

    "Hey!" a familiar voice yelled, running towards me. As he stepped out of the fog of rain, I could see it was Brett. We hadn't actually talked before. In fact, I hadn't sat with the gang at lunch for a long time now. What could he have to say to me?

    "Hi." I mumbled nervously.

    "What grade are you- actually, how old are you?" He asked with a confident grin. Behind him, I heard laughter. The rest of the guys from the group were sitting, huddled close together at the end of the wheelchair ramp. All of them watching us closely. I could see them all facing our way, but I couldn't make out all the different faces. As they laughed, nudging each other, and pointing at Brett and I, anxiety crept up again. I felt like I was at the end of one of their jokes.

    Clenching my teeth, I forced out the words, "Sophomore. I just turned sixteen. Leave me alone."

    I marched past him and straight towards my math class. I didn't want to see him, or anyone for that matter. We were so close to the fall semester ending. I wanted so badly to be done with this dreadful place. My heart ached to go home.