In the Shadows

Part Fourteen: the Hike

*CW: mentions of self harm*

We walked a trail that cut through the hills into a dense forest. The trees towered over us, the thick green canopy glowing yellow from the sun. We walked for awhile, holding hands and not saying a word. The comfort of Anthony's company in the cool woods was bliss.

I had found this trail long ago, the opening was fenced off with a set of heavy metal chains. In the center was a red sign from the parks department claiming the tail was going to be reopen once it was safely cleared. The finishing date of that project was over a year ago. My dad used to tell me: If they really wanted to keep you out, they would make it harder to get in.

I loved this plot of undeveloped land in the middle of our small town. This trail in particular let out at the top of one of the tallest hills. From its peak, you could see the whole town. On a less foggy day, I could see the city as well. I led Anthony to an edge where the trees didn't grow. It was nothing but large smooth rock faces, boulders, and hard ledges that jetted out over the cliff. The wind and sand over centuries carved huge caves into the rocks. In a dusty clearing between the rocks, there were two splintered picnic tables and a metal trashcan that was ravaged by raccoons.

We walked along the the mouth of a cave when I finally broke the silence, "Sorry my family is so weird."

"It's fine." He laughed, "They're not any weirder than most families."

"Give it time." I assured him. "How did you find my house anyway?"

He gestured to the long board under his arm, "I rode over. I needed to see you."

My whole body blushed. I squeezed his sweaty hand tighter, but Anthony froze. He swiped the moisture off his hands onto his jeans and asked "Aren't you hot?"

I shook my head, but he saw through my bluff. Dropping his board, he gently held the cuff of my sleeve. Anthony's eyes stayed on mine as he rolled the sleeves and pulled them, one by one, above my elbows. His focus shifted off of my eyes. He knelt down, with one hand holding my wrist and using the other to gently traces the bandages that covered my inner forearm. I could see the muscles on his sharp jaw tensing. Anthony shook his head and looked up to me, his eyebrows twisted with worry. He must have thought I was disgusting.

    Maybe Cain was right, no one wants damaged goods.

    Before Anthony could say anything, I snapped, "I'm sorry. I know it's bad. I know you don't understand , I just- "

    "Stephanie, stop." He stood, resting his hand on my cheek. "I do understand. I've been there."

    I couldn't find the words. How could this perfect man ever feel like this?

    He rolled up the sleeve of his shirt, sure enough, above his bicep sat several raised white scars. I ran my finger tip over the longest mark. The skin was smooth, but somehow still so raw. I wished I could melt away his pain. He covered his arm again.

    "Anthony, I don't even know what to say."

    "It's alright. I'm okay. Everyone goes through some shit sometimes, and I dealt with my problems the wrong way. But you can't- you just can't. Every second we're apart, you're all I can think about. It kills me to know you feel like this, Stephanie. I don't know what happened that made you start doing this to yourself, but I promise that I will do whatever it takes to make sure you never feel that way again."

I fell into him. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, I wanted to melt into his embrace. I felt his finger tips on my back, pulling me closer.

We helped each other scramble up to the peak of the rocks, sitting in the sunlight while the cool wind swirled around us.