In the Shadows

Part Six: the Date

*CW: sexual assault*   

    I saw more of Cain that week. He made it a point to not only walk me to my classes, but to spend his lunch break with me as well. Seeing me with other people changed him. Cain became jealous. Possessive.

    Every moment of my free time was accompanied by him, as if he was afraid I would walk away and be lost forever. The time we were together, Cain made sure to keep his hands on me. A hug or kiss, holding hands, etc. He made a public display of our so-called relationship. It didn't take long for everyone around us to consider us an item. Even though we never had any conversation to define our titles to one another.

    I was glad to have company. I didn't like to be alone with my anxious thoughts.

    Usually, when anxiety felt overwhelming like this, I would sneak away to smoke. The buzz of nicotine would be enough to take my mind off whatever thoughts were bothering me. At least for a little while.

    This weekend, Cain had a soccer game and asked me to come. Unfortunately, my chronically low grades left me grounded. My parents arranged for me to spend my afternoon with a math tutor instead of friends. Although I didn't want to spend my weekend doing homework, I was kind of glad to be away from Cain. He had gotten uncomfortably clingy.

***

    The downtown shopping center had something for everyone. The antiqued stucco buildings stood one after another, filled with small boutiques and locally owned restaurants. Not one chain store in sight. On the weekends, police would close off Main Street to cars. The road would be covered in booths and private venders, an overflowing farmers market of fresh produce, handcrafted art and clothes, local honey, and other artisanal goods. It was a picture perfect scene: kids running about the side walk with balloons tied around their wrists, dogs preforming tricks for treats, a whole neighborhood blissfully coexisting.

    I finished my tutoring lesson early and decided to wander through the market. Outside a bustling coffee shop on the corner, I spotted a cozy bench to rest on. The long green metal slats felt cool in the late afternoon. On both sides of the bench were large barrels, over flowing with freshly planted flowers. In fact the whole cafe was lined with a rainbow array of summer blooms. Thin tendrils of ivy crawled up the light blue walls.

    I pulled my sketchbook from my bag, hoping to draw the cozy cottage. With my trusty old graphite pencil in hand, I got to work sketching the outline of the building. Making art, keeping my hands busy, made my brain go quiet.

    I had just begun to shade in the details of the window shutters, when I heard someone calling my name. From in the middle of the street, buying a large cup of freshly squeezed organic lemonade was Cain, Monica, and Sara. He waved to me, still wearing his soccer uniform. The loose fitting red shirt was covered in bright green grass stains, his black shorts stopped high above his knees. Peeking from under the seam, I noticed a patch of gauze taped to his left thigh.

"Are you okay?" I asked, walking quickly to the group.

He kissed my cheek, "Just a scrape. It was a great game. I'm so glad the girls came to watch me play."

Monica laughed, hugging Cain from behind. I felt guilty, and I knew that was what he wanted me to feel. I took his hand, squeezing it lightly.

"Sorry I couldn't make it. I'll go to the next one. What are you guys up to now?"

"We were gonna grab lunch and walk to the school." Sara chimed in, "There's a baseball game tonight, they're usually so much fun to watch."