The Beast I Am

Chapter 10

The thrum of information flooding my brain kept me stirred until the late hours, Jane scolding me for staying up so long, again. I couldn't help the lingering guilt from the haunted look that crossed her features when she said it. I didn't have the energy to argue with her about how this time it was different; instead, I allowed heavy lids to fall.

My churning hunger jolted me awake in a sweaty panic, furry tongue begging for something to quench its thirst. Two nights, apparently, was my limit, the nausea rolling like a wave, reminding me what it was like before. And God, I didn't miss it.

The routine was cyclical, my hand freezing on the knob as the evening fog cleared from my mind. The door was silent now as I opened it on fresh hinges, peering down the hall and up the stairs for any sign of Rhazien. Performing my hidden trinkets checklist: House Blueprint, A Butterknife, I had found in the kitchen – the only relatively sharp-edged object I could find– The Pendant... And now the journal... I chewed my lip, forcing my spine to straighten as I shut my door.

If I could show him, explain that everyone had got it wrong. That this was the answer... It could change everything.

So why did I walk so my feet wouldn't make a sound? Holding my breath as I passed his office door on the way to the kitchen. My opposite fist tight as I opened the fridge door to see nothing but an empty shelf.

Not crazy.

Not crazy... so why were the bees in my brain still so loud? Why was it I could still feel her hover; feel the basement throb like it was alive.

I shut the fridge door, leaning against it in a groan.

A shuffling down the hall made me freeze. My skin paled in fear as I stiffened against the stainless steel. Heavy steps and heels brushing, closer.

And closer.

The soft click of a key entering a lock and the groan of the office door shutting.

I released a breath, daring now to inhale since I was out of his line of sight. I groaned, pressing my face against the marble counter, flattening myself against the cool stone like a meat pancake. Attempting, desperately, to qualm the twitching crawlies now under my skin.

I needed to eat.

The specter hadn't revealed herself since my last night in the library, and I wasn't about to tempt fate.

Yet, I couldn't will my feet to go to him.

I was scared.

Terrified of what I would do when I saw him again. My brain had just started to clear out the haze that was him- now overpowered by my hunger, and I didn't know what was worse. All the textbooks I found said it took multiple attempts to blood bond someone and extensive contact.

We hadn't left each other's side until I told him to.

I forced myself to take a shaky breath. Enough time had passed; I would be fine. I pulled my Beast from my gut, her action so quick to respond to my aching hunger, so ready to enact violence. I ebbed her passion, resulting in defense. If I was going to convince this stubborn, brooding man of my case and possible chance for freedom, I needed to hold my head higher than ever before.

My hands felt hot as I clenched them at my sides, my steps light as I forced them to move. I needed to eat. He gets the food. Just ask for breakfast—Gauge him. You don't need to bring anything else up until you're ready. Forcing my face neutral as I reached for the handle– the element of surprise would be better; Rhazien couldn't let his guard down then– swinging the door open wide.