The Beast I Am

Chapter 16

The ride back had begun to feel impossibly long.

My focus never drifted far from the black box in my lap—a tiny coffin that now weighed a thousand tons.

'Aim for the heart,' She said, 'That's the only way you'll know.'

I groaned, shoving the box to my side, my head falling between my hands on my knees. Yeah, we'd never gotten along... Neighbors bicker... But– Jesus Christ....

If I couldn't get Ruthanne to agree with my influence– it was the knife.

I couldn't get the image of her perched in her rocking chair, Luther draped across her feet, out of my head.

The subway bobbed, making the nausea burble. How much of my life was a joke? Everything surrounding me wasn't tangible– I had seen that with my own eyes. From Rhazien's illusions to Antonio's Veilweaving– even my own experiences couldn't be trusted.

I found myself glaring at the box again as if that would make it jump out of its cage and murder the woman for me.

Murder.

This was murder.

I didn't realize I would kill again so soon.

Do this, and you're one step closer to freedom, girl. Focus.

I forced myself to exhale through my nose, resting my head on the cool glass. Watching the lights flicker as we passed transects with hooded lashes.

Two things I knew for sure.

I had to get my hands on something to connect me with the real outside world.

And I had to get my heart back.

I pulled the box back into my lap as the car lurched to a stop, a hooded figure entering the cab opposite me.

His scent was strong, and sweaty, his heart hammering like a hummingbird in a glass cage. The gliding of my teeth had become second nature, and I began to squirm at how my Beast wriggled.

It had been a long night...

No one would know.

His cough interrupted my staring, so human– so lifelike.

I flushed my skin as his stare lingered, reminding myself to not garner attention.

I had thought being alive was exhausting.

Now?

I had to remember when to breathe, blink, and move my blood so I didn't look like a walking corpse.

So much for a simpler existence.

I felt like I had been sold a shiny new model car with a hollow hood; no engine or explanation, with the expectation that it would run off the lot.

Bamboozled.

My gaze kept skipping back to him with each flicker of the lights as the car moved. Funny how, not long ago, I would have been warily glancing under a hood for any signs of a threat like that. Now, I was the danger.

My Beast was twitching in my skin, and I fisted the small strip of receipt paper that the red-haired woman swore would get me through the checkpoint as a day pass. I was running out of time, the seconds hungrily eating the minutes before sunrise.

My steps quicker as I hid from walking temptation. I held my chin high as I passed through the gates, sliding the slip to the Officer, holding my breath as he flashed a purple light across the scrap. His nod curt as he jerked for me to move onward. I didn't question the passage, grateful to escape all the leering.