☁️Dreaming Of You ☁️

🍨~Part XXVI.~🍨

'My dear diary, my name is Y/N from Sydney, I'm just an ordinary girl, I was teased in high school, I had low self-esteem and I never imagined, not even my wildest dream that I would fall in love with someone who will eventually live a pretty, unimaginable dream, his life is everything but ordinary, which mean it's nothing like mine. I guess our story Lee Felix was destined to be a failure after all, it started as a normal romcom, the chubby kid and the weird guy, being best friends, eating junk food together, playing video games and staying up late to talk about comic books and nerdy movies. We changed a lot, you went back to your parent's country, to South Korea, and you became a well-known idol. I was so miserable without you, I did everything I can to follow you there, I was chasing a fake happy ending. Then I ended up hurting myself more, I thought I had enough self-confidence, I thought it was enough if I could watch you silently, from afar but I was wrong. I came too close to the fire, and I met with a real-life prince, called Hwang Hyunjin, who eventually broke my heart into pieces, right after you did. What can I say? I was a loser, a normal, nothing special human, who cannot dance, cannot sing but wanted to be part of a world, which is not even welcoming to the people, who are living in it. So I went back to where I came from, I was at page one, at zero, right where I spent all those years being with you, laughing and fooling around and now, I spent many days crying and trying to forget about everything, whatever happened on the streets of Seoul. 

Unbelievable, almost four years passed and I was so into my world that I nearly forgot that Stray Kids ever existed. Of course, they became popular, they were born to be popular, and that was their fate. I cannot scroll not even for a minute and a video about them would pop up out of nowhere, of course I heard that my prince charming became a Versace ambassador, that you, Felix, was the sunshine, who everyone adored. I've seen all those silly videos, the new mvs but I choose to ignore them. I unfollowed, unsubscribed, I wanted to forget, I wanted to erase what those years meant to me. I went so far that I threw my phone into the sea. It felt liberating really, I got rid of something when somebody talked about Stray Kids or k-pop in general, a group of teenagers or other girls, or boys in the cafes, I just put my old-fashioned wired earphones into my very primitive flip phone. Yes, I know, I became so insane and obsessed with the fact that I cannot hear anything about them that I'm currently using a flip phone and I deleted all my socials. I read a lot though, mostly badly written crime stories, it's hard to choose if the genre is the crime of the fact that the book was ever published. But I enjoyed, I had to enjoy, since I became an editor at a major publishing company and let me tell you, without my father's connection this could never happen with me. I'm finally targeting my dream life, I'm working for a quite well-known magazine issued for young women and I'm in charge of selecting the monthly book recommendations. Well, it wasn't my main goal I always dreamt about becoming a journalist but how can I be one if I'm terrified to add my name to any articles? 

Why is that? 

Oh let me remind you my diary, four years ago, Hwang Hyunjin ruined my reputation, and started a rumor with a single picture which was catching up with me like wildfire. He literally told lies, about me stalking, harassing him?! Felix did not defend me, while I was receiving death threats I was genuinely scared for my life. I felt like, from each corner, somebody is following me or taking pictures of me. My old pictures from high school were sold to k-pop lovers, stalkers and extremely dedicated stays (as the fandom of Stray Kids calling themselves). I became the main target, the one who needed to be in an orange suit and behind bars for the rest of her life. But of course, the JYP handled the issue well, posting a statement that the photo was edited and I had never been in any contact or close relationship with the SKZ members, going so far that they even said I faked being in South Korea and learning there. I was sad and somehow relieved at the same time, from a criminal, I'm just the laughing stock now. Thousands of memes, YouTube videos and TikTok agendas were full with my name and how I am the most disgusting piece of human being, who tried to destroy their prince's life with edited photos and fabricated lies... I could delete all of my socials and even though trends are saying, I became a standard joke for every newbie k-pop fan, a bad and hilarious example just like poor Oli London.' - it was silent, the office of your therapist seemed extremely calm today. It was around the late afternoon, a beautiful fresh day of the first month of spring. After long hours of work, your eyes could rest on the orange beams of the setting sun, which covered the walls of the room. Your therapist was a middle-aged woman with sharp features, red, strictly lined lipstick and narrow glasses, she looked especially unkind and threatening as she flipped through the pages. You handled these badly written diary entries to her merely a few moments ago, hoping that she will be more than satisfied with you. She asked you to do this, stating it's the best way to get rid of lingering emotional traumas and unwanted negative thoughts.