In His Taste | MxM

☠︎︎🩺 nineteen

🩺Elio
***

"I...want to apologize to you." I breathe, looking up at Damon at his doorsill. He didn't invite me in...so I assume he's still upset with me. "I wasn't trying to keep you away from your brother because I wanted to. I did it because you have to realize where you were...and where you are...where you stand in all of this. You can't just walk out of there."

Damon remains silent, just looking at me with no expression or any type of emotion.

"You can...be angry and think whatever you want from this, but I just don't want you upset with me. I was watching out for you...and I didn't want them to hurt you."

"You didn't?"

He asks me calmly, but it didn't really seem like he cared for an answer.

"I didn't-."

"What about Jerome? Who cares for him? Who watches out for him? Who strives for him to not get hurt? Who?" Damon interrupts me harshly, my eyes lowering to the floor. "Not you, not Aleksandr, not anybody but me! I'm his blood and he's mine...and vampires took him from me. Now, vampires are keeping him from me if that was really him.

"You can fend for yourself, we can't. You...ruined my chances of finding out if my brother is still alive. Not Aleksandr, not the others, you of all people. All because of your kind and worrying about what they'd do to me. I'd rather die than live on knowing that I could've found out right then and there if that was my little brother. And you took that from me."

"I'm sorry..." I apologize once more, breathlessly even, meaning it will all of my being.

I bowed my head sincerely, placing my hand over the left side of my chest. As if I had a heart...I imagined it beating for him.

When I look back up at him he looked hurt, reaching forward to grab my hand from my chest. He pulled me into his room and when he closes the door, I was pulled into his embrace.

Hugging me, I hugged him back. My head leaning against his chest as I could hear his heartbeat. How quickly it beat and I could tell he was in pain...that he was hurting.

"I didn't want you to apologize to me. I am just...not okay." He breathes shakily, holding me tightly to him. "I...feel like a failure. I didn't realize how much it hurt me...him being taken away from me because I was being distracted from such a thing. Those fights, surviving, being taken away, being here. And now that I see him again after all these years, I remember what it felt to lose him. To not know if he was alive or not and I pushed that feeling of away, the feeling that I failed as a brother to him. And it's back and it makes me want to no longer live. Because I failed either way-."

"You can't look at it like that," I pull back from him, gripping his face as I saw tears streaming down his face, "Damon..."

I have...never seen him cry before. This was the first time.

I can't relate to the loss of a loved one, or having my humanity taken from me. Losing the last person that is a part of me so suddenly, and you can't do anything about it.

He always appeared so strong, and he still is. I just came to believe that nothing can affect him since he's...Damon, but I was wrong. He's still a human being just trying to survive amongst a bunch of monsters. I can't even relate with him in any capacity because we aren't the same. I'm not being held here against my will, while he is.

"I don't...I don't know what to say." I lower my head, ashamed that I couldn't provide him with any comfort. "I wish I could say something to make your pain go away, but I can't-."

"Then don't say anything." I hear him say quietly, and I look back up at him.

His eyes were hooded, almost looking like he was in a depressive state. That spirit to fight...I couldn't see it anymore.