Love Never Dies [ON HOLD]

A/N

Hey lovelies!
Hope you all are doing fine!
Thank you so much for supporting my story. I never thought that this much people will like my story. I really love you all!

I just want to share about myself to you all. Currently, my 12th board exams are going on, my last exam is on 28th March. I know I said that once my exams would be over, I will update regularly, and I really thought about schedule by which I could focus on my studies and writing equally, so none of them gets disturbed.

But I think I need a break now, I am just a teenager who is all confused what to do what to not. Apart from teenage, my life is not going well these days, I have mental breakdown almost everyday. Everyday I think that I will be productive today and will work on myself andmy studies and will not be affected by whatever is happening in my surroundings.
But each and everyday I end up getting affected, feeling low, leading to no interest in studies and being unproductive and then regret and cry at night.

I am just fed up of this and Moreover, I have no one to share my feelings and thoughts to anyone. Though I have friends, but I didn't trust them enough to fell them about my mental breakdowns.
You all must be thinking that if I didn't even trust my friends and family, then why I am writing all this shit here.

Even I don't know, today I was just fed up of everything and it is almost midnight right now, and tears are flowing from eyes, I just want someone to listen to me. I will not go in details, but I know neither of you, so I am not afraid of getting judged by anyone. I just want to get it out.

I am feeling like I have wasted whole 17 years of my life. I don't belong to any privileged background, I belong to a normal middle class family. My parents have a lot of expectations from me being the only daughter in my family. But in all these expectations, I think I have lost my real self somewhere, I am not praising myself but I am a good artist, I love sketching, painting and I also do very good henna art.

But my parents denied me from doing all this, just because this will not help me in future. Everytime I see my brother and cousins playing and doing drawings, I just feel LIKE WHY ME?? Why is it only me who had to work on my parent's expectations, I have an elder cousin, who is also in same standard as mine. He always do what he likes, no one tells him to study, no one scold, taunts and give long lectures to my younger brother whenever he scores low grades. WHY IS IT ONLY ME WHO HAD TO SCORE BEST GRADES??

Back in time, I was an excellent student, but since lockdown my productivity and efficiency has fell. I work hard on myself to be like the old Nandini, who was her parent's favorite, teachers' favorite, who scored best, who was playful and didn't get affected by her surroundings. But each and every time, my efforts go in vain, just because of one mistake and you again had to listen long lectures.

This is my only reason I never open up to anyone, I am afraid of my parents, that they will scold me, that they will think of me as worthless and a spoilt teenager, but I am not.
Being suffered since a lot time, now I am standing at this edge that I just don't want to study, yes I am not the same excellent child, I am not the one who used to topper, who used to be every teacher's favorite.

I just don't feel anything but at the Sametime afraid. Afraid that what will happen when results will come. It is not like that I don't like studying now, I like it, I have goals in my life to achieve,I have manifested many things in my life.
But I don't know what to do, I fed up of my life, sometimes I think everything would be fine, if I was never born, I even think that if I die this instant everything will be fine, there would be only peace and only peace. No pressure nothing.

I don't like to talk to my parents but at the same time I want them to care and love me. I know they love me and just only want me to get successful, but in all this they lost their happy child, just 2 days ago, I was so exhausted of studying, so I just went to my mother and lied down keeping my head in her lap, she was watching t.v at that time, she was caressing my hair, and I felt like, God! This is what I wanted in my life, and the feel I got was unbelievable, the motherly care I was missing, I couldn't stop my tears from falling.

But again, everything was same.

I had a lot more in myself which I have been experiencing from years, so I won't be writing everything here, but I just said what I wanted to be out of myself.

Right now I don't even what I am writing but I just want all it to be out.

I want a break, so I won't be able to update any soon, if I will feel better, I would definitely try to write and update as soon as possible.

Thank you all of you for supporting my story, at least I can say that there was one thing that I did of my choice and people liked it.

Thank you for listening to me and my broken self.
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