Calmness of Sorrows

Prologue

"Anong sabi mo?!" marahas kong naibaling ang ulo sa kanyang direksyon.

Ang pagod sa mga mata nya ay hindi makakaila. He looked so done with me. He badly wanted to surrender.

Ang kapal ng mukha nyang mapagod! Ipinagtanggol ko sya sa mga kaibigan ko! At ito lang ang isusukli nya sa'kin? Gusto nyang tapusin ang mayroon kami? For what? For his other girl?! Hindi ako makakapayag.

"I love her, Lovize. Please... let me go. Stop hurting yourself anymore. You knew since then that my heart isn't with you," he pleaded.

The desperation in his face and voice fueled my anger even more.

Tila tinutusok ng libu-libong karayom ang dibdib ko.

"Bakit? Ano bang mayroon sakanya na wala ako?!" sigaw ko sa galit.

Betrayal is the worst thing I could ever experience. I've never experienced this before, and experiencing it now makes my walls break a little. I failed to protect myself, and it's shameful... how shameful of me.

Nagsusumamo nya akong tinignan at saka umiling.

I was trying to remain tough, though inside I was already breaking apart. You could have done better, Elias. You should not have looked my way just to inflict pain on my heart. You should have just kept your distance! You played with me, and I will make you suffer for this. I am going to be your living karma, Elias. Watch me.

"Mahal ko sya. Hindi pa ba sapat na dahilan iyon para putulin ang namamagitan sa atin, Lovize?" pagod at nanghihina nyang pakiusap.

I eyed him sharply and scoffed.

What about me, Elias? Inisip mo man lang ba ang mararamdaman ko?

I want to cry so badly! I was hurting so damn much! My heart is breaking every second.

Kumuyom ang kamao ko sa galit. "Don't be ridiculous. Huwag kang maghugas ng kamay, Elias. Mahal? Nababaliw ka na! You don't know how to love! You only know how to play girls like puppets! How dare you reason like that! Do you really think I'd believe you?! Anong tingin mo sa akin tanga?!" humahangos kong sigaw sakanya.

My emotions are overflowing; it's starting to rule me. I can't think straight anymore.

"I'm sorry, but I have decided. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm no good for you, Lovize. You deserve better... tapusin na natin ang relasyon na 'to hanggat maaga pa," halos bulong iyon.

Nanghina ako at halos mahilo sa kinatatayuan.

Am I not pretty? Not thrilling? Not fun to be with? Am I hard to love?

Ang ginawa ko lang naman ay mahalin sya at sinubukang punan ang lungkot sa puso nya kaya bakit sa huli ako pa ang talo? He said he likes me! He said I was worth pursuing, but what happened? Nagsawa ba sya sa'kin? Mas maganda ba ang nahanap nyang bago? Mas madaling paikutin at utuin?

I risked my heart with him. Kahit pa binantaan na ako ng mga kaibigan ko na sakit lang ang idudulot nya sa'kin. Iyon nga at tama sila... nagkamali ako. It was all just his facade, he's so good at faking his feelings, he was such a great actor! He fooled me. Maybe he thinks that he can tame me... that to him I was submissive. Ang pagkagusto ko sakanya ay humantong sa aking pagkasira.

"You won't be happy with that girl, Elias. I swear... you're going to be wrecked much worse with what you did to me. She's going to be your downfall," I said coldly as if I cast a curse on him that not even time could break.

Pagsisisihan mo 'to. Magdudusa ka higit pa sa sakit na ipinaranas mo sa akin.

Elias sighed heavily as regret crossed his eyes, but it was too late. The damage had been done. My curse will haunt you forever, and you won't be happy unless you beg for forgiveness from me.