Calmness of Sorrows

Chapter 3

They say revenge is for the immature and childish, a futile attempt to evade reality's harsh truths. But for me, it transcends mere retaliation. It's fueled by the depths of trauma and the agony endured, transforming me into a conflicted being---a weak monster yearning for the perpetrators to taste their own medicine.

Pursuing justice for the disdained and overlooked isn't weakness, but a holy quest. Those wronged are the real victims, while regaining one's honor in a world that tries to demean it is reason enough. It is true that revenge can be complicated; it can also serve as an opportunity for one to prove oneself and fight against unfairness.

This maybe petty for others, but for me, it was more than a big deal.

"Are you sure about your plan?" Zaneerah crossed her arms while looking at me.

She's literally judging me with those squinting stares.

"He's suitable to be my pretend boyfriend, Zanee," I insisted.

Zaneerah's face fell with disappointment. Hindi nya talaga gusto ang ibinabalak kong gawin.

"Can't you just support me with this one?" I said with a sigh.

Sumimangot sya sa akin at umirap.

"You're not making any sense, Vizz," she said seriously.

Ouch.

Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiwi sa turan nya.

"Sa tingin mo talaga papayag si Jin na ma-involve sa'yo? He's smart, Vizz. Tanga lang ang sasangayon d'yan sa plano mo..." giit nya pa.

I sighed heavily.

I know, but there's no harm in trying, right? Besides, he's one of the smartest people studying here, so he's really a big deal. Even Elias, who comes from a wealthy and prominent family, pales in comparison to him. I mean, if he becomes my pretend boyfriend, Elias's ego will definitely be bruised! Just imagine his reaction when he finds out that I replaced him with the best man on Isla De Veran.

"That's why I'll try to negotiate with Vernel, Zanee," I calmly said.

Umiling si Zaneerah.

"He's already poor, Vizz. Huwag mo na sanang dagdagan ang paghihirap noong tao. I know you badly want to get even with Elias, but please, Lovize, think carefully. Hindi maganda kung may masasagasaan kang tao dahil lang sa galit mo..." Zaneerah commented.

Her dark brown eyes darted at me with so much understanding.

"I've been in your situation, Vizz. So I know where you are coming from. But you're just going to inflict more pain on yourself if you push through with this. Why don't you just let karma do its work?" kalmado nyang sinabi.

I don't care what people might think about me. This is my life, and I will do everything to satisfy myself and my anger.

"I am his karma..." I whispered like a curse.

So I'll make sure that Vernel will help me with my plan and that I'll slap Elias in his face to show him he's not as important as he thinks. My anger consumed me totally. My love for him has hurt me a lot, and I want to get back at him, maybe even worse.

Nag-abang ako malapit sa gate ng aming unibersidad nang alas singko ng hapon. Nabanggit kasi ni Zaneerah na tuwing alas singko ang uwian nila Vernel. Kaya susubukan ko syang kausapin ngayon tungkol sa plano ko. I didn't bring my car today, so I patiently stood on the side, waiting for him.

While waiting, my phone rang. It was a call from an unregistered number, so I immediately ended the call. I don't have time for pranks, for goodness' sake.