Illusions of Perfection

19. Decisions and Distractions

And just like that, the school year ended, and summer vacation rolled in like a much-needed breeze. With no more exams to worry about, life took on a more relaxed vibe, and I found myself getting even closer to Aisha.

We'd chat for hours on end, texting back and forth about everything under the sun. So, when Aisha messaged me one day, it was just another casual conversation – or so I thought.

As usual, I couldn't resist the urge to ask the burning question that had been on my mind for what felt like forever. "Aisha, do you like me?" I typed, my heart pounding with anticipation.

But her response caught me completely off guard. "Yes, I do," she replied, and for a moment, I was too stunned to even process it.

"What? Are you serious?" I shot back, my fingers trembling as I typed.

Her next message hit me like a ton of bricks. "I do like you, but we have no future. Our families will never accept us," she confessed, her words sinking into my heart like lead.

I hesitated, my mind racing with a whirlwind of emotions. On one hand, I wanted to believe that love could conquer all. But on the other, the reality of our situation loomed large in my mind.

"I might be able to convince my parents," I replied optimistically, though deep down, I knew it was a long shot.

But Aisha's response brought me crashing back to earth. "My family is never going to approve of this, Jay. So let's just not talk about it anymore," she said, her words a harsh reminder of the obstacles standing in our way.

With a heavy heart, I accepted defeat and tried to focus on the bright side – the upcoming college admissions. Aisha and I both got into colleges in a city near our hometowns, making it easier for us to stay in touch.

Despite being in different colleges, we found ways to see each other, often meeting up at the bustling bus hub where all the buses converged. It became our little tradition to ride back to our hometown together on certain days, stealing precious moments away from the chaos of college life.

But as much as I tried to bury my feelings and move on, there were still days when I couldn't help but think about Aisha. And no matter how hard I tried to forget her, she always seemed to find her way back into my thoughts, like an unfinished story waiting to be told.

The new college was like stepping into a whole new world – strict rules, but cool vibes. And me? Well, I was on a mission to make friends faster than you can say "study break." I dove headfirst into the sea of unfamiliar faces, determined to channel my inner extrovert.

But as I mingled with my new classmates, I couldn't shake this nagging feeling of confusion. Was I an introvert? An extrovert? Heck, I couldn't even tell if I was more of a pizza person or a burger person at this point.

Still, I managed to click with almost everyone in the class. I mean, making friends was like my superpower or something. But even as I flirted and joked around, there was this lingering emptiness inside me – like I was missing something important.

And then there was this one girl, Arya, with hair as colorful as a rainbow. Well, okay, maybe not a rainbow, more like a subtle burgundy streak amidst her otherwise normal hair. But there was something about that splash of color that caught my eye. Little did I know, that chance encounter would flip my world upside down in ways I never imagined.

As our first year of studies rolled on, Arya and I grew closer through our constant texting. I was like the social butterfly of our department, making friends left and right with seniors and super seniors alike. With my background in commerce, specializing in finance and taxation, I was always up for a challenge. So, when the Head of Department picked me and a senior guy to coordinate the annual treasure hunt, I was over the moon with excitement.

But just when life seemed to be on track, boom! COVID-19 hit like a wrecking ball, turning everything upside down. Classes got canceled, offices shut their doors, and the streets emptied out faster than you could say "social distancing." It was a tough time for everyone, but amidst the chaos, Arya and I found solace in our constant texting.

We'd spend hours chatting away, sending each other memes, jokes, and just about anything to keep the boredom at bay. It was like we were in our own little bubble, untouched by the craziness of the outside world. And in the midst of it all, I found myself thinking about Arya in a different light.

One day, feeling bold and maybe a tad reckless, I decided to take a leap of faith and ask Arya to be my girlfriend. Now, here's the thing – I knew deep down that I didn't love her in the way you're supposed to love someone you're dating. But hey, I figured, why not give it a shot? What's the harm in a little fun?

So, I popped the question, fully expecting a yes from Arya. And sure enough, she didn't hesitate for a second before agreeing to be my girlfriend. Little did I know that this impulsive decision would change me in ways I never could've imagined.

But hey, isn't that what being young is all about? Taking risks, making mistakes, and learning from them along the way. And let me tell you, this was just the beginning of a rollercoaster ride I never saw coming.

As the months dragged on and Covid still held us in its grip, classes eventually resumed, but Arya and I weren't exactly acting like your typical couple – at least, not from my end.

While Arya was still giddy with excitement about our relationship, I found myself increasingly distant, feeling like I was trapped in a situation I couldn't escape from. Every text, every emoji-filled message from Arya only served to deepen the chasm between us.

"Hey Jay, did you see that cute meme I sent you?" Arya would text, her enthusiasm practically jumping off the screen.

I'd reply with a half-hearted "lol" or "haha," my heart not really in it. I mean, here she was, pouring her heart out to me, and all I could think about was how I'd rather be anywhere else.

But despite my lackluster responses, Arya remained persistent. "Come on, Jay, let's take a walk in the park nearby," she suggested once classes had started, her eagerness palpable even through the phone screen.

Sometimes, I'd reluctantly agree, hoping that maybe this time things would feel different. But no matter how many kisses we shared or how much she tried to make me laugh, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing.

Each time we met, it felt like we were going through the motions of a relationship without any real connection. I'd try to muster up some enthusiasm, but deep down, I knew it was all just a charade.

Meanwhile, there was Mona, the girl in my class who seemed to have a thing for me. I caught her stealing glances at me during lectures, and there was this one time she accidentally brushed her hand against mine while passing me a pen. Sparks practically flew, but I knew I couldn't act on it because of my relationship with Arya.

I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be with someone who made my heart race with excitement, rather than sinking with dread.

But with Arya's persistent invitations to meet up after classes, I felt trapped, torn between the familiarity of our routine and the unknown possibilities that Mona represented.

And as the days turned into weeks, I couldn't shake the feeling that something had to give. But figuring out what to do next? Well, that was a whole other story.