Suburban Blues // Billy Hargrove

XXIX - confession

Silence.

Kat and Billy sat side by side on the bed, both unsure how to navigate conversation. Kat clutched the sheets to her body for the sake of modesty and stated ahead at the television that was playing some rerun of a cooking show, not that it mattered because she wasn't paying any attention. The only thing running through her mind was the words Billy had just uttered a few minutes prior. 

She thought she'd imagined it, that she'd forced the confession into her head as she reached her climax but when she opened her eyes and seen him look like a deer in headlights above her; she knew that she heard right.

She was in shock more than anything, he had avoided talking about any feelings whatsoever let alone use the L word. She didn't understand him or his angle, although she was sure it slipped out on accident.

"So..." Kat said in an attempt to break the silence.

"You want some more wine?" Billy asked getting out of the bed.

She watched as he slipped on some shorts and grabbed the bottle from the desk and started pouring into his own glass and taking a long swig. She knew what he was trying to do; he wanted to distract and avoid the situation completely in the hopes of moving on.

"How about we talk about what you just said?" Kat replied.

"About the wine?" He replied avoiding her gaze as he poured some more.

"No, before that" She said raising her eyebrows.

She shoved her t-shirt over her head and walked over to him so he couldn't hide with his face in the other direction any longer. She locked eyes with him and gave him a look, urging him to speak what was on his mind.

"I didn't say anything" He said in a low tone, not even believing his own words.

"Billy" She said in a frustrated tone.

He tipped back more of the wine before she forcibly grabbed the glass and gently placed it behind her on the desk so he would stop using it as a distraction.

"Just forget what I said" He whispered.

"I don't want to" She protested, eyes sad.

He felt like an idiot. He couldn't believe he'd let his most protected thoughts just fall out so carelessly. He hated talking about his feelings at the best of times let alone these convoluted ones that would only create problems.

"Why won't you just be honest with me?" She asked, almost begging.

"Because i'm scared!" He replied with a tight smile "I'm scared and I don't know what to do, are you happy?"

"It's okay to be scared-"

"No, it's not!" He interrupted "I hate it, this is exactly the reason I don't get attached to people because they're just gonna leave or hurt me"

She knew he was broken but it didn't bother her, in fact she liked being able to help him through all the pain that his dad put him through and show him that there was people who cared for him.

"I'm not going to leave" She assured.

"You can't say that" He said shaking his head "I wouldn't be a good boyfriend, you'd want to leave, trust me"

She wanted nothing more than to stay with him forever, she couldn't imagine ever wanting to leave him no matter how annoying or grumpy he got.

"You need to at least try" She replied "I don't want to leave, I want to be with you"

The words made his heart speed up, it gave him hope and he wanted to believe her but how long would it last? What if she got bored? Tired? If he couldn't handle her going now then how would he cope later down the line?

"I love you" She whispered, taking her turn at being vulnerable.