Burn ▹ Ashton Irwin

forty six

AN: this was so hard to write so please don't judge me but i hope u enjoy -ellena

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"When did it start?" I asked quietly, staring at the old TV across the room. I repositioned my head on Ashton's lap so I had a better view of the episode of South Park that I honestly couldn't care less about. The late afternoon sun shot glowing orange stripes on the walls through the cracks in the curtains. We haven't left this bed all day.

Ashton was quiet for moment; I drew my attention upwards to hear him. "Last year," he replied.

He put his hand on my back and trailed his fingers up and down my body, all the way to my face where he tugged my hair away from my neck. "I was angry at something, I don't remember what. So I tried it once and after that I was hooked."

"I don't understand." I admitted with a sigh.

I felt Ashton shrug. "I don't expect you to."

"But it was just one time."

"I'm aware."

I closed my eyes and sighed again, rubbing Ashton's thigh as a way of reassurance. "Sorry," I mumbled. "I'll stop pestering you about it."

"You're not pestering me about it," Ashton's soft, sleepy voice filled my ears. Although it was already 5:00 in the evening, it seemed like we just woke up. We've done absolutely nothing today.

Last night, after apologizing and coming to the conclusion that we are in love with each other, Ashton and I went straight to bed as soon as we made amends. I'll be completely honest, it was a tad bit awkward sleeping in the same bed as him. Not so much because of the fact that we said "I love you" to each other, but because of the fact that our argument and Ashton's mistakes still bluntly hung in the air.

We didn't cuddle like we normally do each night; I resided to my side of the bed and Ashton stayed on his. We just slept like two strangers, hardly even speaking to each other to even say goodnight. I think we were both just too tired to keep a conversation going, especially after all that happened. But today was a newer day, and we've been going about our lives the same way we always do, with just a little bit of timidness.

I was still mad at Ashton for screwing us over. But what can I say? I love him. I've never felt love before, but I'm 100% sure that this is what it feels like. That feeling I get when I look at Ashton - that's love. And I'm sure of it.

This town has done nothing for us. No one's answering Ashton's calls, every one of his old connections seemed to have moved somewhere else, and everything has just gone downhill since we got here. We're planning on going to Los Angeles tomorrow to try and pick up where we left off. Unfortunately, where we left off is having lost over half our savings.

"...I kinda like talking about it out loud," Ashton was saying as his hand aimlessly maneuvered over every inch of my body. "I've never done that before."

"Well you always can talk about it out loud. I'm all ears." I was glad to see that Ashton was being more open about his drug addiction that before. Prior to only one day ago, Ashton never spoke of it or admitted it to anybody. And now he was answering all the questions I had about it, as I tried to get down to the root of his problem.

His fingertips slid up and down my almost bare legs. "Okay." he said.

He's been rather quiet since last night. Out of all the conversations we've had this afternoon, I've had to be the one to start it and carry it out. Which is okay, I understand. I can still see the shame in his eyes though he shouldn't feel that way around me.