Until Now

Falling Apart

     We moved to lay on the bed, his lips moving to my neck. And then it happened.

    "That feels so good, Jack," I whispered.

     We both froze.

     "Maisie, come on. Let us in." Violet was clearly frustrated. 

    I stood up, traveling across the room. My fingers curled around the handle, but I hesitated before opening the door. I knew the girls were standing on the other side of the door, waiting. I didn't want to see the looks they'd be giving me. Violet's eyes would scream her judgmental thoughts, despite her trying to be sympathetic. Hallie's would only be pitying me, making me feel like the victim. 

     I wasn't the victim. 

    I was the offender. 

    "Maisie," Logan whispered, "You called me Jack."

    "Logan."

    He sat up tall, his eyes meeting mine quickly as I laid beside him. I sat up slowly, fixing my hair. This was awkward.

    "This was a mistake, Mace, and we both know it."

     "No," I protested, "I picked you."

     He stood up. "It sure as hell didn't sound like it."    

     I pulled open the door slowly, my eyes finding Hallie's first. They shifted to Violet's and back. The girls stared, their eyes exactly the opposite of what I had figured. They weren't pitying me. They weren't judging me. They were just there, with smiles on their faces, and for that, I was grateful. 

     They didn't talk as Hallie moved past me and sat on my bed, Violet following right behind her. I turned to face them, sniffling. 

     "I made such a dumb mistake." 

      They both held their arms out, and I collapsed onto my bed into them. I thought back to when I had told the girls what happened earlier that day.

     The store had been dead, and we had been perched in our usual seats, with me sitting on top of the countertop flipping through a magazine. The girls were laughing as usual, but I was too distracted by that morning's events. After making a joke I should have laughed at but didn't, Violet questioned what was bothering me. 

     "I hung out with Logan Thursday morning." 

    "Uh oh." Hallie was staring. 

   "Yeah, uh oh. We like made out."

   "Maisie!" Violet squealed, clamping a hand over her mouth. 

   "And then I said Jack's name."

   "While he was kissing you?" Hallie's eyes grew wider. I nodded.

   "Does Jack know?" Violet questioned. 

    I shook my head, feeling a tear prick at my eye but blinking it away quickly. 

   "So." Violet leaned forward, watching me, "What are you going to do?"

    I shrugged, not sure there was really anything I could do. I had to tell the truth, to come out and tell Jack about my feelings for Logan. If Logan knew about Jack, why was it so hard for me to tell Jack about Logan?

   "Well, we're here for you." Hallie patted my back, "No matter what. You just have to make the decision for yourself, and we'll support it."

   "My decision," I mumbled, resting my head on the counter as it muffled the sound, "Is to date both of them."

  "That's not possible." Violet laughed. "You're just going to have to pick."

    And I did. I picked Jack. Despite originally wanting Logan, I felt as though I owed it to Jack to be more faithful than that. I had been feeling so guilty about not telling my dad about what my mom was doing behind his back, and I was doing the same thing. I knew I had to tell Jack what happened that morning, but I knew that it wasn't something I could just spit out. The moment had to be right, and we had to be alone. I knew with his huge "Saturday Night Dinner Party" that he had been talking about for weeks, today wasn't the day to do it. 

     But I did it anyway. Although, I really didn't have much of a choice. I was furious with Logan for what him and his friends had done, not only to the room and all of the important work friends Jack had invited, but to Jack's heart. I knew it was breaking. I was so angry with Logan for doing that to Jack. Then, I realized: I did it. It was all my fault. I was really only angry at myself. 

     "Mistakes happen," Hallie reassured me. 

     "Not cheating. Cheating isn't a mistake." 

     "Maisie, you're being too hard on yourself." Violet set her head on my shoulder.

     "Well, someone has to be hard on me! You guys are too damn supportive, and Jack was so nice to me when I told him, and Logan is just Logan, and I was so stupid." 

     "Maisie," Hallie whispered, rubbing my back, "just calm down."

     "I need to talk to Jack." I stood up. 

     "Give him time," Hallie suggested.

     "I need to talk to Jack right now."

     "Are you going to talk to Logan?" Violet questioned, frowning. 

     I nodded, knowing I probably should, but I just needed to talk to Jack. I grabbed my phone, pressing Jack's contact information before sliding it between my ear and my shoulder. It rang once. Twice. It went to voicemail. He denied my call.

     "Jack," I started, leaving a message. "I need to talk to you about all of this. Today was a disaster, and I know it was all my fault, but I need to talk to you." 

     Less than a minute after I had hung up, I received a text from him. I was surprised at how harsh he could be in only a few words. I read it twice to myself before reading it out loud to the girls. 

     "I got your message. It wasn't your fault. It was mine, right? You don't ever do anything wrong. It was my fault you cheated. I was an awful boyfriend. Right, Maisie? That's what you think, isn't it?"

     The girls frowned, and tears pricked my eye. I had to fix this, but I had no idea how to. 

     Everything was falling apart.