Frustration -SERIES- [Part 1] [boyxboy]

Chapter Twelve

'I'm so upset,' I chanced saying a while later as I sat on our bed and Conor paced agitatedly back and forth across the room. He stopped and looked at me quizzically, 'that I completely missed you fucking me a thousand different ways. It sounds like fun.'

'Oh, shut up,' Conor muttered, rolling his eyes and resuming his pacing. 'Actually, leave. Go hang out with Josh and Rachel.'

'Why? What did I do?'

He stopped again and looked at me, his perfect face now displaying surprise. 'Nothing. That's what they're here for.'

I raised an eyebrow wryly. 'I'm pretty sure they're christening their first tour bed right now.'

Conor groaned, and I thought maybe the idea of the heterosexual nasty was disgusting him until he dropped beside me on the bed and moaned, 'Let's leave all religious imagery out of conversation for a while.'

I laughed. 'Deal. Come here.' I scooted back on the bed until I was leaning against the pillows and pulled Conor towards me, letting him rest his head on my shoulder as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him on top of the head. 'Are you okay?'

He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. 'For a second I think I am and then I remember I have to tell Mom and Kelan and Joey what happened and then I remember what he did to us and what he did to her and then how he just left and then how sanctimonious and self-righteous and fucking earnest he was and I get so angry... Tyler, I think I might actually kill him.'

'You're not going to kill him. But you should call your family. I know it will be a shock but they would be really upset if they thought you were dealing with this by yourself. They would want you to tell them.'

Conor nodded. 'I know. You're right. I just, I feel like I'm losing control over everything. First that stupid magazine article, and those awful Conthur stories, and now this. I was really hoping to keep at least some of it from my mom but now she'll have to know about all of it.' He rubbed his eyes with his knuckles. 'Everybody was so proud and excited when I told them we got signed. But it's kind of starting to look like I'm not very good at this after all.'

I shook my head and hugged him tighter. 'Don't say that. This is just teething pains. And it's all superfluous anyway. All that really matters is that your fans like your music and connect with it, and that you don't stop loving what you're doing. You still love writing, and singing, and performing. Focus on that. Kids have literally told you that your songs have saved their lives. That has to mean more than a couple of shitty articles about whether or not you're having sex. And it doesn't matter what those stupid articles say. It doesn't matter what people think about you and I. We know we're solid and that's all that matters.'

He was silent for a few moments as he let this sink in, then turned his big brown eyes up at me. 'You're the most amazing person in the world.'

I grinned. 'I know.' I pulled him back into me and stroked his hair absently. 'Conor?'

'Mmhm?'

'You know the way... Your dad wants you to "take the journey to recovery" with him?'

'Yeah.'

'Well... You tried to be straight for a long time. Would you ever... Consider it?'

Conor was silent for a while, but he didn't tense up or pull away from me, which I took as comforting. 'I know for a long time I was very cruel to you.'

'Uh huh.'

'But it was more of an active self-hatred. Because I knew I was gay.'

'Yeah. So would you ever want to see if you could "fix" it?'