Vårdslös ~ Bellamy Blake [2]

XXVIII: Holding on

Bruh, I'm getting so good at this updating thing.

(Again, not edited, bc still too lazy to send chapters to editor.)

(Also, listen to the song for the chapter, it's dead cute and it fits this chapter somewhat nicely-- dancing is pretty funky too.)

Swedish= Bold

T W E N T Y   E I G H T | HOLDING ON

It all felt so surreal.

Everything that happened to them in the past couple of weeks felt like a distant dream, but this was their lives now.

Constant danger with those small, minuscule moments of tranquility so they can joke and laugh as though everything was normal before baring themselves for more heartbreak and insanity so they could do it all over again. It was beyond any of them as to how they were all still standing with their chins up, daring anybody to cross them.

They weren't bad people, nor were they good. They did whatever means necessary to survive, and sometimes that meant taking the life of another. None of them were innocent anymore, each one had blood on their hands, but they were beginning to learn how to deal with it.

"What's got you so quiet?" Bellamy asked, scanning their surroundings as they trekked back to the place they called home. He held onto Carter so she had support, but they still fell behind a little, not completely at the back but further than the others. He had offered to carry her multiple times, though each time she stubbornly refused any help other than being her crutch.

"Just thinking." The girl replied simply, squinting from the sun. She hadn't realized how long they were in that mountain until they came back outside, her eyes still slightly sensitive to bright lights. She smiled fondly when Rae took her first ever steps outside the mountain, smiling brightly at how beautiful everything was.

"About what?"

"What'll happen next." Carter looked up at him earnestly. "Do you think it'll ever be over?"

He didn't need her to elaborate on her question and he sighed. "I don't know, I hope so."

Carter refrained from snorting at his comment. There was that word again; hope. The thing she had an abundant amount of, and now, she had none. She used to live for the moment, uncaring of consequences that could follow, but that had all changed. Now, she was too preoccupied with the consequences to worry about living for the moment.

Carter missed that part of who she was.

It was deep within her, she knew it, still there. But with the weight of everything that happened with the Mountain Men, finding herself again wouldn't he easy. She just had to hold onto it tightly, and maybe, just maybe a day would come where she would go back to that excitable, naive optimist.

As for now, it was like she was empty. A survivor of unfortunate scenarios. The biggest, of course, was Finn's death. It was stupid of her to still be hung up on his departure, but it wasn't as easy as she thought it would be. After all, she never got to grieve him properly, as normal people would. Sure, there was a brisk funeral of some sort, but that wasn't enough for her. She needed the time to grieve. She lost her best friend, her brother.

It wasn't something that one could easily get over.

"You've got that expression again." Bellamy's voice pulled her from her dark thoughts and she shook her head slightly.