The Kick Back

Heaven Only Knows

Walking inside the abortion clinic wasn't easy. The world seemed to be crumbling with every step that I took. This would be the last day of me being with child. Only thing that could comfort me was prayer. I knew what I was doing was sin, but lord knows this child was made out of sin. Not by me sinning, but by the lust of my own uncle. Week after week my baby was consistently growing. It was amazing to see my body go through many different changes. Every now and then I would look in the mirror just to see my belly growing. Had the circumstances been different, without a doubt I would have kept the baby. My situation wouldn't have stopped me from caring for my baby, but because my uncle would have been the father, I had no choice but to end it.

The tension between Antonio and I was thick. His behavior showed me that my company wasn't welcomed. Time after time I tried explaining the situation, and every time he would leave. Chasing after him became old. He would leave the house at night and come home sloppy drunk. Talking to him was doing no good, so I handled business on my own. While he would be out I would be making phone calls. Figuring out things as far schooling and making sure I kept a roof over my head. My stay with Antonio was temporary and I made sure to keep that in the back of my head.

A few days before my appointment I got an unexpected call from my aunt Shelia. I was surprised given that no one knew where I was at. Words couldn't explain how I felt about that call. We talked about everything from life, sex, my dreams, life after high school, and moving. Once again Antonio had been so caught up in his emotions that he failed to see what was going on around him. I was making big life plans, and because of his stubbornness he was left out.

Finally I broke down and told my aunt what was going on. I hated myself because of the situation, at times I would even blame myself. Aunt Shelia comforted me, she understood why I had made this decision, and to my surprise she supported me. Stepping foot inside that clinic was like a whole new world. It was nothing like the TV made it. This place seemed so quiet, almost peaceful. How could a place like this be peaceful?

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Antonio sat outside while I took care of business. Walking out of that building was a relief. I wasn't proud of the decision, and now I was childless. Deep down I was hurt, shit killing my child was killing me. Only thing I could do was cry. Antonio was distant and wouldn't talk to me the whole bus ride home. Walking back to his house was hell. The more I tried to talk to him, the more he would ignore me.

"Antonio you don't have to ignore me. I haven't done anything to you." finally something had gotten through to him. "You better shut up talking to me Stephanie.", my mouth dropped. Finally after weeks of talking and petty arguments, Antonio was showing his true colors. Everything he ever felt about me would come to surface, and I damn sure wasn't ready for it.

"Really Antonio? I BETTER shut up talking to you..or what?", I followed behind him to show him I was no longer going to be ignored. Snatching me by arm. "You are a selfish bitch. For one you let your uncle all up in you, when I'm the only person who should be touching you. You carried this nigga baby and you were still fucking me. How the fuck am I supposed to feel, huh? You don't know shit and you think you know every thing..well guess what you don't. The only reason you are here is because I felt sorry for your selfish ass."

Antonio didn't need to say anything else after that. His words cut through me like a double edged sword. I was heart broken none the less hurt. His true feelings had come out. Slowly I pulled back staring him in his eyes. "Thank you for telling me how you really feel. I didn't know my situation bothered you that much. For the record nothing could have stopped me from loving you, not even rape." No longer could I hide the tears that I was holding back. Everything finally made since. Staying out late, smelling like perfume, coming home sloppy drunk, Antonio no longer wanted me around.

"You no longer have to worry about me. I'll be gone before the end of the night." I walked passed him with my head dropped to the ground. It was over as far as I was concerned. Everything that was coming my way, I would deal with it until the end of the senior year. Once I walked the stage, I would have my bags packed and ready to go.

Michigan here I come....