Handcuffed Bliss - Watty Awards... 2012

Being a mother.....

".. So, we see here that Lord Krishna had two mothers, one who gave birth to him and one who brought him up as her own. Both loved him, both sacrificed for him and he loved both. A mother by any name is a mother; she is her child's protector and teacher. The Lord was punished by his mother when he did wrong. We see here that no matter what, how much ever a mother might love her child, she cannot spoil him because his future depends upon her upbringing. This story also shows show even in anger; a mother's love for her child never diminishes. "

My mom was reading the Holy Scriptures to me and explaining their meaning. We were talking on the phone. This had been our daily mom and daughter time. She would call me after finishing her prays and exercises, by which time I would finish mine too and then I would sit outside in the garden in a lotus position and put on my hands free and wait for Ma's call.

Every day she would read out a Canto for me and then explain its meaning. I had read it so many times; I had heard it more often. It had been a daily ritual for us, ever since childhood. She continued it even now. Both our husbands did not know about this for we would spend an hour daily from 6am to 7am, while everyone was sleeping. 

Today, she was discussing My Kanha's childhood (Kanha is the little statue she got when she married.) I loved listening to his childhood stories. But when she started this I think I knew where she was going to take this. She was drawing parallels to Caroline and me. But what she did not know was Caroline had been my tormentor for years. So, instead of correcting her, I continued listening.

I understood what she wanted me to do but it was not easy. I had to forget years of pain and hatred towards her first and then anything could really go forward between us. When she finished her discourse, I got up from my position, said thank you to my mother and teacher and promised her to try and keep this lesson in mind before I disconnected the call. 

It was time to prepare breakfast for my family and I had to wake them up too. I ran to Caro's room and knocked on her door." Get up Caro," I yelled before running to mine with an eye on the clock. I shook him to wake him up and was pulled down and in one smooth motion was crushed under him. "Sir, " I tried pushing him off me," Get up, come on." I pushed again and he finally got up.

"Morning Rose", he murmured and kissed me hard. I did not even have time to react to him. But soon, I found myself kissing him, loosing myself in him. We were soon out of breath. He put his forehead on mine and smiled when I suddenly remembered, "Get off, we will all be late, I haven't even prepared breakfast" I whined. He laughed and pushed himself off me. 

"Go Rose, prepare breakfast" he winked as he got up and began to walk towards the bathroom." By the way babe, what is on the menu today?" He asked turning towards me. "Surprise" was all I said before winking and sashaying off towards the kitchen. I knew his eyes were following me and it gave me perverse pleasure in teasing him.

I prepared pancakes with honey and cinnamon just the way Caroline liked it. I did not realize this as I hummed a song to my Kanha while working but suddenly, out of the blue a thought crashed through my brains, I was cooking for Caroline and I was happy about it. I stopped mid flip and starred at the pan. My heart was hammering and I had forgotten what I was singing. 

This could not be happening! How could I have motherly feelings for Caro? I mean she is my age and has been my enemy for ages. I did not know what to think, how to handle things, how to...

"MOM!  You are burning the damn pancakes!" I jerked at the voice and almost dropped the pan in shock. She called me MOM. I felt amazing? I don't know, this time, her MOM wasn't poisonous or sarcastic at all in fact it was natural, almost real. 

"I am sorry, I did not realize, you sit, I'll make you a fresh one." I smiled and began to make a new one as this was now a charred piece stuck to my pan. Soon, he came down too and kissed Caro on her head and pecked my cheek before pouring himself a glass of orange juice and some coffee.

"So Caro", he began, "When can I meet this boyfriend of yours?" He asked trying to sound casual but failing at his half hearted attempt. I bit my lips to prevent myself from laughing out loud. "Call him for dinner tonight?" He suggested as I flipped a perfect pancake onto Caro's plate and served her before him. This was new too. I never served her before him, ever. 

I did not try and analyze my feelings but began preparing another for him trying to keep my schedule. I had 20 minutes to cook, eat and leave. I flipped him his and began with mine. Everyone was silent while we contemplated our day ahead.

"Rose, I will leave in 20 and drop you to school okay. Also please think about telling your friends what we discussed please." He said as he drained his glass and put his dishes into the washer. He always helped around, unlike my dad, who never learnt how to even open it. 

"Caroline”, he said “please invite your boyfriend tomorrow night or tonight and let us know beforehand okay." He said in finality as he strode out. Caro and I gaped at each other. She knew my secret and I knew hers. How would we handle her dad?

I don't know why or how but I found myself saying, "Caro, call him and I will cook whatever you ask me to. It's better if you get over this meeting before Sir finds him and squashes him like a bug for dating his girl." 

She nodded. I starred at her, no sarcasm, no arrows nothing, just a nod. Wow! What was happening?  I wondered. But we were all getting late so we dashed about our business and soon he was dropping me outside school. We kissed softly and I got out. 

Another long day, I sighed as I remembered my scheduled interrogation. Damn, how was I to handle my friends?

As I walked into the building, I felt people stare at me; giving me weird looks, whispering behind their hands. It felt like shit. What had happened I wondered when James crashed into me and pulled me inside an empty class room.

My gang was waiting there for me. All looked angry and tensed. What had happened I wondered? I looked at each and every face stare at me when Katie shrieked" What were you thinking babe? Someone saw you kiss Caroline's dad in his car this morning?" Shit, I blanched. Shit. Now what am I to do?

"After yesterday's conversation between Caroline and you, the girls are saying you are his slut" Piped in Laura. I was sweating now. This was sounding bad. 

James shook me hard" Speak something. Why is your ex spreading a rumor that your family sold you to her dad?" I whimpered. This was sounding like a nightmare. 

"You know what?" Sammy began." Your mom said you went to live with your extended family in Canada for the summer, but suddenly I am having doubts."

Oh God! I wanted to run... Hide away because they were too close to the truth. I jerked my hand away as they continued their interrogation. I couldn't take any more of this. If my friends were questioning me like this, I dreaded how the others would insult and mock me. 

Suddenly I felt suffocated, chained because of duty. I wanted out. I wanted my freedom again. I jerked my arm from James and stepped back. "If my own gang can call me a slut, I have nothing more to say." I shrieked as I unlocked the door and ran. I ran out of the school and I ran away.

I did not think where, I just ran. But however fast I ran, I knew my troubles would catch up with me. I would never be free. Never…