Handcuffed Bliss - Watty Awards... 2012

My husband or daughter?

Life was ordinary now, as ordinary it could possibly be with a daughter who was recuperating and a husband who was still angry with his daughter. It was not fun anymore but tensed. We were always on the edge. He still wasn't talking to Caro. He never even entered her bedroom or sat in the same room as her.

She begged, cried, apologized but to no avail .He was still stubborn. He even lost his temper on me for pampering her once. It was getting out of hand. Whenever he came from work, I was expected to be with him. If I went to Caro at that time, he would lose it. He did ask me about Caro, her improvement, how she was spending her days, about her studies but he simply refused to meet her. 

He wouldn't even respond if she called him, he simply sent me to her. But even that was a problem. He would get sarcastic about me going to her. Dinner was now only between him and me, should I invite dare Caro, he would leave his food and walk away. Those nights he would not have dinner.

I hated his behavior and we were constantly at logger heads with each other. The easy camaraderie between us was now lost somewhere in between doctor's visits and egos. He had simply refused to allow my parents to visit Caro. My friends came and left whilst he was out. My parents did the same. They hated this monkey business, as they referred to sneaking in behind his back, but this was the only way of meeting us peacefully and even having some fun.

Caro hated this. She had always been pampered and been her dad's princess and centre of the universe. She couldn't comprehend how easily she had lost these positions. She too would try to woo her dad by studying hard or exercising harder; sometimes she would even stand by the door, waiting for her dad to come even when standing was like a punishment to her weak legs. But he never liked it. He would yell at her then at me.

Caro now enjoyed being the centre of my world. We would enjoy ourselves from the time he walked out of the house till the time he parked his car. As soon as he walked in, Caro would pretend to be asleep and I would rush into the kitchen pretending to be engrossed in cooking or something. I hated this deception. I hated his anger and ego; it was breaking us, only hurting us. Not helping.

Every night we slept together, making love till wee hours of morning. Our passion had grown stronger for each other, our love making more intense, more fulfilling yet something was missing. I think it was the peace of mind. Ethan had turned my relation with him and with Caro into a competition. Both wanted me but neither willing to share me. Weirdly I was never asked whom I wanted to be with.

Finally this got a bit too much and Ethan yelled at me for letting Caro sit in the living room when he came home. This was just plain unfair and it led to a yelling match between the two of us. We took it right up to our bedroom where he found an envelope waiting for him on the bed. I had left it there. He looked at me perplexed and the proceeded to open it.

Dear Ethan,

I know I should be saying this to you face to face and having a proper conversation about it but I just did not have the guts of going through a shouting match again. So, here goes. I found out this morning that I am pregnant and although I was very excited I understand the need of not having a baby now. Caro needs complete attention at this moment. So, I beg you to please forgive her and allow me to abort our baby. 

If you want children, we can always have them later but now the time is Caro's. She deserves a little pampering, a little love. Please forgive her and finish this cold war. Come with me tomorrow and be my support while they abort this baby please?"

 He starred at me like I was a mad dog out on the run. We yelled some more. He accused me of being selfish, of not thinking about him, of using Caro as an excuse to kill my child. I called him a bipolar. We yelled some more and when more till I could take it no longer, I stormed out of the room and down the stairs to where Caro sat with her book open on her lap while tears strained her eyes.

I rushed down to her and missed my footing. I tumbled downwards and across the stairs till everything became black.

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