Handcuffed Bliss - Watty Awards... 2012

My daughter.............

She was still in coma. It was medically induced so that her body would heal better. We simply sat there waiting for her to wake up. No one had eaten anything. I sat in his lap holding him to me. Both of us were crying, in pain and trembling in fear. 

I always laughed at my mom when as a child I got hurt and she cried while bandaging my wounds. "You are so girlie ma." I'd taunt and she would laugh through her tears. "When you have a baby girl like I do Rudra, you will know what I mean when I cry. It is a pain beyond pain to see your princess in pain." I’d stare at her, perplexed and confused. What does she mean? I’d wonder.

Today, I knew and understood a mother's pain. A part of you is cut open and it burns when you see your child in pain. It is truly a pain beyond pain. I would walk up to the ICCU and stare at my girl through the glass. Wounded and broken, she looked like a ragged doll stuck to machines. Loads of painful looking tubes stuck inside her. I'd sob at the sight and rush back to my husband, crying uncontrollably.

He would hold me to him and I would calm down after a bit. But he never went there even once. He refused to see our girl.

It was the second day in the hospital and we had been here for almost 48 hours straight. My parents had brought us some food but we had not been able to eat. Finally, getting antsy and restless, I walked down towards the small chapel in the hospital and knelt in pray.

As I was praying, I heard a commotion. I got up and turned to see my husband yelling at my family. I did not like that. They had been here for us through all this and were yet here, without complaining or demanding anything, simply silently trying to be our strength. The least they deserved was some respect.

"What is happening?" I asked them as they turned towards me. "I want you to leave with your family Rudra. I do not want you to act like you love my daughter. When Lily left us, we were alone, we are alone even now. Please do not act anymore. Leave." He whispered. Each word that he threw on me left a painful scare on my heart. Why was he talking like this? What had happened?

I looked at dad for some sort of guidance. What had happened? I asked silently with my eyes. He shook his head and smiled weakly, Let it be was his message. He handed a bottle of water to me but gesturing towards Ethan. I understood at he wanted me to calm him down. 

I opened the bottle and took it towards Ethan’s mouth but he jerked my hand away. "Do not act Rudra. It's alright if you leave. Go eat. Your dad says that if I don't, you won't either. So go eat at least one father will be happy. I know how much you hate Caroline. Go. You do not need to act." What the hell was he talking about?

I hate Caroline?" I whispered. "Is that what you think?" I asked and he nodded. Fine then! I poured some water in my palm and turned to face the cross. "With your Holiness as my sacred witness, I promise I will not to eat or drink anything till my daughter Caroline wakes up and heals. I want to see her eyes sparkle before I eat anything. I want the doctor to pronounce her fit and healthy without any complications before I drink anything. Lord, please take care of my girl and give me the strength to keep my promise to you."

Saying so, I poured the water from my palm towards the cross. Turning towards my husband, I handed him the bottle and quietly left. I did not want to speak to him.

I went back to the ICCU and stared at my girl. Yes, my daughter. She now had my blood too. No one could say she wasn't mine. I willed her to fight, to live; she had to live for her dad, for me, for us. I begged her to open her eyes. Nothing else mattered then. I simply stood there by the glass.

Mom came and dragged me away. I did not fight I simply walked with her. She sat me down and put my head on her lap, patting me gently, like she did when I was a child. I slept I didn’t not know when. Mom's lap had always been my heaven. All I remembered though was promising Caro that I would put her to sleep in my lap when she became alright.

When I groaned and tried to move, I realized I was stiff. I couldn't move. Opening my eyes, I realized I was in my husband's arms. He had slept too. But we were both in an awkward position. I tried to move and the action jerked him a little. His eyes flew open as he instinctively held me tight.

It was now over 72 hours and even the doctors were worried. One came just as I got up and his face scared me. "Ma’am, we are trying, but she must get up soon else we cannot be sure of the complications that will arise." I slipped out of Ethan's arms and whispered," Doctor, can I please meet my girl perhaps she might listen to me. Please." 

He nodded and led me inside. I was scrubbed and a face mask, gloves and various hospital necessities were given to me to wear to prevent any possible chance of infection or disease to Caro.

 I walked into the silent room. The silence amplified the sound of the life support machines. The Beep-Beep was as loud as my heart beat. I could even hear the drop of the drips she was being administered. Hell, I could even hear her breathing through the life support.

I cried silently as I went to sit next to her bed. Gently, I placed my hand on her head and whispered," Caro, honey, do not fear, we are now with you. Please come back to us. Come back soon please.” I begged. The doctor noticed her heart beat increasing and told me to continue talking to her. I did.

I spoke to her about random things, sang songs to her, psalms and hymns that she had loved as a child and we had once sang together in the choir. I even sang the songs in praise of Kanha, knowing she heard me listen to them every morning.

I spoke to her, told her stories from the bible or even folk tales from India. I spoke and spoke and spoke for over 2 days. I was getting weaker too. But I had not eaten, not even sipped a drop of water. Mom had finally coaxed Ethan to eat, but I had refused. Mom was with me, so she never offered food to me. Simply took care of dad and Ethan while I spoke with Caro. Ethan had refused to come in…

I wanted to kill him for being stubborn. Andy was arrested too. The doctor had found evidence of rape on her and my statement regarding the obscene phone call with him had nailed him. Everyone was zapped that Andy could do such a thing. What hurt us the most was no one came to visit Caroline. Not even her so called friends.

Her popularity had dipped below zero since she was no longer considered hip. Neither was her friends' love for her real. I hated it. I had begged my friends to handle my school for me and they had. No one questioned. My friends merely dropped my homework at home, my parent home just like when I used to be grounded.

 I was getting weaker by the hour. It was worrying Ethan, he tried many times to speak to me but every time I ignored him. I hugged him still, cuddled him when he cried but I did not speak to him directly.

Finally on day 5 Caroline opened her eyes. It was the most beautiful sight ever. I rang the emergency bell and summoned the doctor while we both cried silently as we looked at each other. The doctors examined her and pronounced that there were no lasting injuries. She would soon be as good as new.

She was to stay in the hospital for a few more days, till they pronounced her fit to leave. I was overjoyed when they took her off the ventilator. But my happiness was short lived as soon after her checkup, everything around me went black.

Pitch black

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>