Childhood Sweethearts

Dear Carter

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Thank you to Jadyn_yap who suggested to me that Lacy should write Carter a letter!

Dedication: Alex_9256 for the cover!

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Dear Carter,

What happened to us? Why were we destined for such heart break?

I don't even know who to blame anymore. Maybe everything is beyond us. Maybe the universe didn't want us together. I don't know. All I do know, is that I need to go. And you can't come with me. I don't why we are like this. I don't know why we just end up hurting each other over and over. But it has to stop. I'm tired of this. 

By the time you read this, I will be on my way to Hawaii. I'm travelling with Anna. We plan to work, drink, tan and just relax. I hope this is what happens anyway. I need a break from reality and I'm hoping Hawaii can do this for me. I'm going to miss you like crazy, despite everything. I hope you take me leaving as a positive to change. I want you to study hard. I want you to grow. I think me leaving is going to benefit us both in multiple ways.

I'm not moving there forever - even though I have thought about it. I'm going for a year. Maybe two. I don't know yet. It's hard to tell if I'm going to like this place or not. I really hope so. A year is a long time.

In this year, I want to discover myself. Maybe for the first time. I want to do this just for me. No drama, no commitments, just me, myself and I. I think you should take some time to do that for yourself, but that's up to you. 

It's strange, you know. For three months I have tried to write this letter and I couldn't. I just stared at a blank page, for sometimes up to an hour and just gave up. And now I'm leaving tomorrow and I feel like I don't have enough time to say what I want to say. It's funny how things work out like that. 

I do love you. I always have and I think I always will. But we can't be together right now. I need to grow up and honestly, so do you. This is going to be the longest time we've ever been a part, but if we really do love each other, it is only going to make us stronger.

With me, I'm going to take the best of the best memories of us to Hawaii. All the horrible stuff we have done to each other, I'm going to leave that here. When I come back, I hope we can have matured and not relive any of those things. I don't, ever, want to repeat any of this year. If we do, then we have our answer. We don't belong together.  

I wish things had been different. I wish a lot of things. I just hope you can move forward with your life, like I plan to.

This year will tell us one thing. Whether time a part will make us realise that there is more out there and we're just not meant to be. Or, it will allow us to grow and finally be ready to be together. I guess we will just have to wait.

So, this letter is not a goodbye, Carter. It's a see you soon. I wish you the best for whatever you choose to do. I hope you know that I will miss you every day, but I need to do this. 

I love you.

See you soon,

Lacey.