My Inner Demons

Chapter 5

Trunks giggled as Gohan pulled funny faces at him and Goten, the little boy  laughing loudly. Bulma had insisted that Chi-Chi and Goten move in permanently, not wanting them to be alone. Chi-Chi didn't have the heart to say no, so once Chi-Chi felt the courage to go back, they left Goten and Trunks under the watchful eye of Bulma's mother and Android Eighteen, they left to move some of Chi-Chi's belongings to Capsule Corporation with the help of Krillin and Yamcha. Vegeta was supposed to help, but he had disappeared. He did show up later, though, to help carry the heavier things. He had skipped out on the packing. Chi-Chi sighed as she glanced around the room. The room that used to belong to Gohan.

"Hey, Chi-Chi," Bulma said softly as she entered the room.
Chi-Chi showed no sign of moving.
Bulma sighed sadly as she walked over to the other woman, wrapping her arms around Chi-Chi to hug her. Chi-Chi collapsed into Bulma, crying softly.
"I miss him so much!" She cried, holding onto Bulma for dear life.
"I know, I miss him, too" Bulma said, trying to stop her own tears from falling.
"I should have known! I should have seen that he wasn't happy! I'm his mother and I didn't notice! I was selfish!" She wailed, feeling her heart break again. Krillin, Vegeta and Yamcha stood by the door, not knowing what to do or say.
"No one knew, Chi-Chi. He hid it well," Bulma said, rubbing her friends back.

Krillin felt his heart clench at that. They should have noticed. Krillin often wondered why they hadn't said anything about what had happened when they chased after Gohan. I guess we just didn't think he'd go so far as to take his own life. But that's no excuse!! Krillin thought. Maybe they just didn't want to worry Chi-Chi. Krillin didn't really want to stick his nose in Gohan's business. The short male bowed his head, closing his eyes tightly, fists clenched at his sides. He felt as though he had failed Goku. He had silently promised himself that he'd watch over Gohan, but he guessed that he didn't do a very good job of that. He sent a silent prayer to Goku, praying the man would forgive him, but most of all, he prayed and hoped that Gohan would forgive him. He hoped that Gohan was in a better place. A peaceful place.

Yamcha glanced over at his friend, noticing the shorter male was shaking. Yamcha knew that Krillin was trying to prevent himself from crying. To stop himself from weeping alongside his best friends wife. Even Vegeta seemed troubled about the whole ordeal. The prince had closed his eyes, arms folded over his chest as he leaned against a wall. Though it may seem that the saiyan doesn't care, Yamcha knew better. He can see through this act. Vegeta would occasionally take in a shuttering breath, his arms were crossed for the sole purpose of hiding the fact that his fists were clenched. His brow would occasionally twitch when Chi-Chi let out a particularly heart wrenching cry. The prince might never admit it, but he himself was struggling to accept the boy's passing.

Yamcha looked off to the side, struggling to believe it himself. It's been months, nearly years, since Gohan passed and they were all still struggling to believe it. They never spoke the boy's name, not only because of Chi-Chi, but because no one could hear that name without nearly crying themselves. Yamcha closed his eyes, feeling as though he was being choked, though it was only because he was forcing himself not to cry. He prayed for Gohan to be happy and in a peaceful place, that's all the boy ever wanted. To live happily and peacefully. That's all he wanted.

Once Chi-Chi had stopped crying she glanced around the room.
"Is there anything you'd like to take from here?" Bulma asked, looking around as well.
"Yes," Chi-Chi answered, voice cracking slightly.
She walked over to the bookcase and pulled out a few books, one of which was a photo album. At the top sat a teddy bear that Gohan absolutely adored. It was his favourite. Chi-Chi managed to pull it down, hugging it to her chest as Gohan's smell wafted up her nose, giving her a feeling of comfort.
"Alright, let's go," Chi-Chi said as they left the room, leaving to go back to Capsule Corporation. 
Once they arrived, they were greeted by a rather pleasant sight.

Trunks, Eighteen, Bulma's mother and Goten, who managed to sit up without falling over, were sitting in a circle, rolling a ball on the floor. The two boys kept giggling, finding the whole scenario quite funny. Gohan stood to the side, watching as the little group played. Trunks had tried to convince him to play, but Gohan had declined, not wanting to freak anyone out.
"Well isn't this a lovely surprise," Bulma said as she walked into the room.
"Mommy!" Trunks exclaimed, forgetting about the game completely as he scrambled to his feet and hugged his mother's legs.
Goten tried to stand up, but fell on his behind. The little child made a frustrated noise and tried again, succeeding in standing, but once he took a step forward, he fell. Eighteen laughed lightly as she caught the boy. He gave her a look of utter frustration.

Chi-Chi walked over and took the boy when Eighteen handed him to her, smiling down at the boy as he pouted at her. She kissed his forehead before putting him down again, telling him to stay with the others. Together they all carried the few boxes into Chi-Chi's room, where she sat silently on her bed, looking through the photo album. She touched a photo of her elder son, the very last picture she had taken before everything just went downhill. It was of him and Goku, both of them smiling brightly at the camera as the photo was taken. She could help the sob that left her as she remembered that happy moment before the Cell Games. It was Gohan's twelfth birthday. He seemed so so happy. She smiled through her tears, running her fingers over the photo, as if wanting to touch the boy himself. He was always so kind and full of life.

But after the Cell Games, it was as if the life was sucked right out of him. She believes that a part of Gohan had died along with Goku. She can't imagine the pain the boy must have felt when Goku had said that he didn't want to come back. She had gotten the full story from Krillin. A part of her knew that Gohan blamed himself for the death of his father. She knew that she could have handled the situation better. She was Gohan's mother after all, how could she not notice the fake smiles? She knows now that Gohan had lied everytime he had said that he was alright. She feels guilty. She should have paid more attention to Gohan, instead she gave her attention to preparing for Goten.

She was trying to distract herself from her own heartache and didn't immediately notice how depressed and distant Gohan had grew. It wasn't an excuse, she knew. There wasn't an excuse good enough for not noticing her sons pain. Gohan withdrew himself from them, pushing everyone away. And after the accident, he just wouldn't leave the house. She didn't want to push him to much and make him angry with her, so she let him be. Though she did and often still wonders what had gotten Gohan so angry? She didn't know. She just doesn't understand anymore. She sighed as she stood, walking over to the boxes and packed the things away that she had brought along. She hugged the teddy bear to her chest tightly once she was done. It smelled so much like Gohan. Silently, she promised herself that she would give it to Goten when he's older, but not yet.

Gohan watched as Chi-Chi hugged the bear. He stared at it, wondering what was so special about that particular bear. Suddenly he remembers something, but it was vague. He remembers the Cell Games, where his father died, he remembers the pain and feeling of abandonment, but not much more. He doesn't understand, was this what happened to him? Did he die at the Cell Games? He can't remember. Why does he feel like he was abandoned? Did his family abandon him? Perhaps, he died at the Cell Games. Maybe, he had begged for his father's help, but the man didn't help him. But why wouldn't his father help him? Did he do something wrong? That's it! Something was his fault, he just can't remember what. Whatever it was, it must be the reason why his father wouldn't help him. Gohan looked up when Chi-Chi opened the door and quickly followed after her. He would stay with her a little while longer, she helped him remember his past.

Vegeta sighed as he stared at his son and Goten playing together. The two boys looked up once Chi-Chi walked past, but their eyes didn't follow her, but something a little more behind her. That's when Vegeta decided that he was to ask some questions. Slowly he stood up and sat in front of the two boys.
"Trunks," Vegeta said.
"Yes, dad?" Trunks asked, looking up at his father. Goten looked up too, curious as to why the man was sitting there.
"Tell me, is your friend here?" Vegeta asked.
"Oh, you mean big brother? No, he's with auntie Chi-Chi," Trunks said, a frown slowly forming on his face.
Vegeta nodded, thinking of what to ask next.
"How old is he? Is he your age or my age?" Vegeta questioned.
"No, he's more in between. A big kid, like a bit older than me," Trunks answered, "Why are you asking, dad?"

"I'm curious, what does he look like?"
"Uhm well, it's hard to tell he's kind of invisible. Well not really, more like, he's kind of covered in mist almost? But he wears gi and his hair is kind of wild," Trunks answered.
Vegeta felt his heart beat loudly in his chest. Could it be?
"Is his name by any chance, Gohan?" Vegeta asked.
"I don't know, he doesn't remember his name," Trunks said, looking at his father curiously, "Do you know him, dad?"
"No, I thought I did, but it isn't him," Vegeta answered as he stood and left the room.
Trunks stared after his father, but quickly shrugged it off and continued to play along with Goten.