BALANCE (Reylo Fanfic)

Chapter 9- Stupid

Kylo's POV.

Why am I so stupid? It's been two months since I left and I lost the one person that actually loved me and I lied to her. I should of never told her. I miss her so much now. I'm here on Star Killer Base, in pain and suffering. I would go back but they definitely wouldn't forgive me now. I still feel like Rey doesn't totally hate me.

Snoke didn't hesitate to bring me back. The stormtroopers have less respect for me now. General Hux hates me, he always has but now, even more.

I've tried to forget about Rey, but I can't. Every second I think of her. I'm glad I have a mask, so people can't see my facial expression. Thankfully I can hide my emotions from Snoke. If he knew, I'd be dead.

I'm in my chambers right now, in all black sleepware. I get up and put my black robe and then my mask.

I walk out of my chambers and head for the cafeteria. I usually eat with Hux and Phasma. I got my food and sat down next to Phasma. As soon as I sat down, Hux opened his mouth. "So, I've noticed that you haven't been as mean when you came back. Did something happen when you left?" I kept looking at my food. "No, and its not your business any way." Hux shrugged. "Okay, it just looks like something happened."

"WELL NOTHING DID!" I yelled as I stood up from my seat and banged my fist against the table. I could feel everybody's eyes on me. I needed to leave before I kill someone. I stormed out of the cafeteria. I felt tears coming down my face. I need to get to my room.

When I got there, I took off my helmet and looked in the mirror. My whole face was wet from tears.

I miss her so much. Why did I leave? Sure, Rey would of still hated me, but its better than this place. No wonder why Darth Vader suffered so much. He just missed his family. I missed mine.

I wish I could start over. I wish that the first time I saw her, I would of just ran away with her. None of this would of happened if I hadn't turned to the Dark Side. But this is the only place where I'm 'welcomed'. I have no where else to go. I'm so lame.

I decided to take a shower. I took off my robe and helmet and got in. The water felt so good on my skin. I put the shampoo in my palm, closed my eyes and put it in my hair. Showers were the most enjoyable part of the First Order. Warm and peaceful. I washed and got out of the shower. I got dressed and put on my helmet then walked out of my room to complete duties that I don't want to do.

--

It has been another month since I left and I haven't gotten better. As each day past, I miss her more and more. Hux keeps bugging me about what happened to me when I was away. I keep telling him nothing happened but he doesn't believe me. He can sense I'm lying.

Its about midnight and I'm bored so I decided to go for a walk around the base.

Nobody's out right now. Probably asleep or something.

As I turn the corner I bump into someone. It's Phasma and she's not wearing her helmet.

"Phasma, who said you could take off your helmet?"

"Well, I thought maybe if I showed you my face you would show me yours."

"Why would I do that?"

"Cause maybe you would be nice enough to and... " She said as she laid her hand on my chest. "I heard that your face is the best and that you're shredded." Wow, I'm so lame that Phasma is hitting on me.

I took her hand off my chest and backed away. "Um, no."

"Oh, please, I know you want me."

"Uh, no, and I don't and I never will."

"Really, cause that's not what you said two years ago."

Now I was getting pissed. "Look, Phasma, if you knew what was good for you, you would go back to your chamber."

She came over and leaned her chest against mine and looked up so our faces were close to each other. "I know what's good for me." She whispered.

I pushed her away and force choked her. She was in the air chocking. "Go back to your chambers and don't ever talk to me again." I let go of her and walked away.

I did like Phasma, but then I saw Rey. I felt a pull towards Rey, nothing like I ever felt before.

--

I'm still surprised Phasma hit on me yesterday. She barely ever talked to me and all of the sudden she does that?

I put on my robe and my helmet on. I walk out of my room and into the cafeteria. As soon as I walked in the cafeteria, two stormtroopers came up to me.
"Sir, Supreme Leader wishes to see you." One of them said. I nodded and walked to the room where he was. I opened the big black doors and I walked down the long walkway. He was waiting for me. I bowed. "Supreme Leader, you wished to see me."

"Yes, the weapon... it's ready and the Ileenium System is our first target this time."

"I'm looking forward to it, Sir."

"Mmm, go back to your duties."

I nodded and walked outside the room.

The Illeenium System... That's where Rey is. I need to let her know. I head back to my room. I put my sleepware on and get in bed. I need to do something about the weapon, but what? Rey is, I don't even want to know how far away.

There is one thing I know, I've made a huge mistake coming back.