CHAPTER 9: THOUGHTS

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CHAPTER 9: THOUGHTS

The hospital felt like a second home. The colorless walls, high ceilings and open windows was comforting, I didn't feel like I was being suffocated with stress from my father. He gave me comfortable clothing like sweats and what not but he also promised to give me sometime to breath. He wasn't going to hover over my shoulder like usual. He wasn't going to force me to interact with Julia because I was already interacting with her. Turns out she likes a few things I do. We have bonded with those topics. Every night I call her and talk. When she asks if I want to talk to my dad I politely tell her no.

I'm not angry at my father. I'm angry at myself for not understand where hes coming from. He probably was just using Julia as a coping mechanism or he actually loved her. In the hospital they explained how self harm was the way to cope instead they told us to do activities like writing or simple things like yoga. I'm not flexible or athletic my short mile time in high school was eight minutes. I have a sixth grade writing level I still don't understand how I got into college.

In group the nurse was talking about the people we leave behind if we committed suicide.

"What about the people you leave behind?" I raised my hands and the nurse called onto me.

"What if that's the point of leaving. So that the people in your life can feel the pain you've felt everyday because of them." I state. A few of the other teens where mumbling. What if the whole point of killing myself is that my father feels my pain. She was star stuck for a while before inhaling.

Before she could comment another nurse walked in and called me to talk to the doctor.

"How are you Blythe." He asked. I had my knees bent.

"Okay." I told him. He was probably in his forty. His glasses sat on his nose. He was bald but you could see the subtle on his head. He wasn't a smooth and shinny bald person. His posture was perfect compared to mines I was the biggest sloucher ever.

"You sound depressed." He instantly said. I rolled my eyes. You cant diagnose someone depressed based off the tone of their voice. I instantly got angry and dug my nails into my palm squeezing tightly. He wrote more in my folder before he dismissed me. I went to my room and laid on my bed.

Was I depressed? No. I wasn't. I clearly was not I felt like I'm offending someone who is depressed. Someone who has to deal with depression on an everyday bases. Maybe right after my mother died I was depressed. I never talked to anyone the only person id talk to was my father. I would yell at him. Id blame him for her death. Then I started blaming myself. Id sit in my room in the dark in the middle of night. Slightly swaying as i soaked my shirt in tears. Maybe then I was depressed that's why I took three different anti depressants like Zoloft because then I was depressed. Now I'm just lonely, I'm so used to pushing people away.

Except Zeus. He was like a home away from home. Some aspects of him made me think of my mother and that was comforting until he started messing with my feels. The way he looked at me in the parking lot of the gas station. He was intrigued and curious as to who I was, or at least I thought. The was keeping me safe by stopping when I was on the road. He insisted on driving me the entire way to Phoenix but when that didn't work he gladly agreed to take me to Vegas. After I convinced him. He saved me from the guy at the motel. He was following us because he cared for me. He really did. Or it was just an act. It was all just to get his dad the deal. That's all he cared about. Not me but the money his father would get and give to him. My father made it clear to me. My father. Not Zeus but my father.

I watched the sun rise and sun fall for several days going to group and doing the activities they had lined up for the day like gym. Every time I tried to close my eyes and sleep I could only see his dark hair spray wet back. I learned it wasn't grease just a cold water. That's how he could run his fingers threw his hair and not have a sticky residue. His hazel eyes, looking at me. Looking right at me as if he was standing in front of me. His smell has taken over my nostrils. His lips at my finger tips. They were so soft yet so intoxicating. He was close but I couldn't feel him. I shook the image out of my head.

"Blythe you have visitors." I nod getting up and walk towards the nurse. Her names hope. We walk to the recreation room where my father sits in a chair. He looking down at his hands. I sat in front of him. He looks at me softly smiling.

"How is your stay Blythe?" He asks.

"Alright." I breath.

"They say you can leave in two days." He breathed. Then silence. "Blythe i'm sorry." He grasped my hand rubbing little circles. "For not understandin-"

"Dad. i'm the one that should apologize. I've been blaming you the entire tim-" My father wrapped his arm around me. We just stood there for a good two minutes before a nurse interrupted us.

"No touching sadly." Hope whispers. "Visiting hour is done." My father thanks her before hugging me one last time.

"When you're out things will change." He whispers before he is escorted out of the room.

The next two days happened so fast. I was prescribed with medication and then was escorted myself out of the hospital. I wore black skinny jeans, and I light blue button up and my black leather jacket over. I had my duffel bag filled with clothes slung over my shoulder. As soon as I made it downstairs Julia was signing my papers. She embraced me in her hug. After she signed we left.

The car was silent but comforting. As soon as we got to the hotel Julia told me to put on a dress she bought me. It was a deep blue with a deep v neck. I wasn't sure my boobs would stay perky seeing gravity likes to work against me. It was backless and the spaghetti straps wrapped around my neck. There were two leg slits that turned flowy. It was beautiful and it complimented me perfect. Julia did my hair in chignon thanks to her I looked amazing. I thanked her for doing my makeup. She winged my eyeliner perfect. After an hour we were all ready for dinner.

"Who's this young lady

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"Who's this young lady." My father made me do a twirl. I noticed that him and Julia were not dressed.

"Why aren't you dressed?" I asked.

"Oh were going to meet you there." I nodded before taking the elevator downstairs. Once I down stairs and out the door I noticed a SUV. Leaning against was Zeus. He wore a dark blue suite. He looked so classy. He had his hair slicked back like always. He held a bouquet of flowers. I had one last time to walk back but my feet lead me towards him. Were two steps away from each other.

"What are you doing here?" I ask firstly. I didn't want to see him ever again. God. The suite hugged his arms perfectly.

He took a step forward. "You look so beautiful." He whispers. "I want to apologize." He tells me. "Let me explain over dinner." He directs his hand towards the car.

"I don't think, we should." It was barely was a whisper.

"Blythe please." He begged. I sighed taking the flowers from his hands.

"They're beautiful." I smell the fresh flowers. He places his hand on my bare back directing me to the car. His fingers warm and soft. He opens the door for me then he walks around getting in his side.

"You wont regret this." He tells me. I watched the hotel disappear in the background as we hit the road. He took my hand in his and kissed it lightly. Hopefully he was right or id terribly regret this. 

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