Even If You Don't // Calum Hood

Chapter 7: Swear This Isn't What I Wanted

Calum's POV

I sighed as Mari walked away, but shook it off the best I could so I wasn't distracted during the show. I grabbed my in-ear monitor and clipped it to the back of my jeans, brought the in-ears up through the back of my shirt, and let the wires rest on my shoulders. I walked over to grab my bass where the other boys were getting their guitars – and Ashton was obviously already holding his drumsticks.

"She okay?" Michael asked. I hummed in confusion, prompting him to continue. "You went to ask Mari about what happened onstage, right?" he clarified, "Is she okay?"

"I'm sure she's fine," I answered, lifting the strap over my head and making sure the instrument laid comfortably against me.

"You're sure?" Ashton cocked an eyebrow.

"She clearly just doesn't want to talk about it," I shrugged, "Don't really think it's my place to make her. If she ever wants to, I'm sure she will." The boys simply shrugged as well in understanding and we all stood around, waiting for our cue to go onstage.

~

Four hours later

Three and a half hours after the show ended, my band had all finished our showers and were now scrambling to get everything packed for our flight to Rome. This wasn't an uncommon thing – rushing to get stuff done – and considering it was only an hour-long flight and there would still be people from the crew at the venue to make sure everything was packed up on the bus and ready to go, we weren't exactly sure why we were freaking out. But, nonetheless, our tour managers – my band and the girls' – wanted to make sure we made our flight so we could get to the hotel and hopefully actually get a full night's sleep for once.

It was now close to midnight and Zoe came into our dressing room. She insisted we just threw whatever we knew belonged to either us or someone in the crew into our bags and we'd just sort it all out once we woke up the next morning. She was always paranoid about us missing our flights or not having enough time to check in and go through airport security, so she tended to kind of boss us around more than usual.

"Zoe, calm down," Ashton said lightheartedly, "You do this every time and every time, we always make our flight."

"You make your flights on time because you don't want me yelling at you," she reminded him, "If I were nicer about this kinda thing, we'd be late to everything."

"She has a point," Michael shrugged, not looking up from his bag as he shoved his shirts into it, "And that's coming from me."

"Let's go, guys," Zoe grinned at the comment, "The girls are already waiting for you outside."

"They're always done before us," Luke rolled his eyes, zipping up his suitcase.

"They're perfectionists; Are you really surprised?" Michael asked.

"We're hardly perfectionists, Mike," we heard at the door, looking over to find Kaylynn and Kenzie coming into the room.

"Yeah," Kenzie agreed with Kaylynn, "We just know where everything is in our messes."

"So do we!" Luke insisted.

"Luke, you lost a shirt when we were in Birmingham."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he frowned.

"You were holding it," Kaylynn stated.

"I was tired, okay?!" he whined, "I hadn't slept in two days!"

"Which is exactly why Zoe is always rushing you guys," Kenzie nodded, "So you can have time to sleep when we actually get to stay in hotels."

"What are you doing in here anyway?" Ashton chuckled at Luke's antics, "I thought Zoe said you were outside."

"It was getting cold," Kaylynn shrugged, "And we figured we'd see if anyone needed help packing."

"If you wanted to help, why didn't you come in half an hour ago?" Michael scoffed. Kenzie simply rolled her eyes and left the room.

"If you want to help, come sit on this for me so I can zip it," I finally spoke.

Kaylynn happily obliged, hopping up onto the top of my suitcase. The boys took their suitcases out to put them on the bus and that was when she decided to talk.

"So you wanna explain to me what happened with Mari after our set?" she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, pulling the zipper underneath her legs before moving to the other side of them to finish closing the bag.

"I saw you two talking at the table when she walked off stage," she said, "And it seemed pretty intense, if I'm honest. I tried asking her about it, but she just shrugged and went to take a shower."

"It wasn't anything, really," I replied, "I asked about what happened during If You Don't Know, she got mad and refused to answer."

"She must feel guilty about getting mad at you then."

"What makes you say that?"

"She's been quiet ever since she got out of the shower," Kaylynn informed me, "And I mean really quiet. And she's only ever this quiet when she's sad."

"She's sad?" I asked, looking at her as she got back off of my suitcase, "Why? Does she think I'm mad at her? I'm not. If anything, I'm mad at myself for pushing her too far."

"Maybe you should tell her that then," Kaylynn shrugged, trotting back out of the room before I could say anything else.

~

Two hours later

I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to Mari yet and it was really starting to agitate me. She was sitting alone across the aisle in the airport terminal, but she had her earbuds in listening to music and it was clear she didn't want to be bothered. I didn't know whether she was upset with herself for getting mad at me or whether it was because she thought I was mad at her for it. But I had to find out before it drove me insane.

"Flight 292 to Rome, now boarding," a woman said over the intercom. Mari didn't look up, signaling to me that her music was too loud for her to hear anything else.

But before I could go over and tell her our flight was ready, Michael went up to her. He showed her something – a piece of paper with 'flight's boarding' written on it – because we all knew she hated when people pulled her earbuds out just to get her attention. I watched her look at the paper and then up at Michael, a small smile appearing on her face. She rubbed her eyes – clearly tired – and took his hand when he held it out to her, obviously already having forgiven him for doing whatever it was that made her upset earlier that day.

Michael pulled her out of her seat as she took her earbuds out and put her phone in her bag. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

And there it was again – the heaviness in my chest that came along whenever I saw Michael being affectionate toward Mari. But I shook it off, as I always did – refusing to acknowledge the jealousy bubbling in me.

One day, I'd be brave enough to admit my feelings for her.

I just didn't know when exactly that day would be.

~

Title: "No Control" by Set It Off