His Obsession || Book One

Depression

Four months later...

Eric's POV:

I spent the majority of my time at the bar. Drinking the pain away, just like Marcello. Except with more control.

The alcohol seemed to numb the pain away. Just a little.

It hurt letting her go, I hope I did the right thing.

Alessandra stuck around, each grieving over what we lost.

My eyes felt heavy as I continued to take sips from the strong liquor.

She sat at a barstool beside me, "For future reference, are you planning to move on?"

My jaw flexed in the thought of someone else, "No."

She slightly shook her head and turned away. Seconds later, she whispered out, voice almost completely mute, "You're going to slip, just like Marcello."

"No I won't. I refuse to lose my sanity."

Ales sighed, "You're slowly losing a grip on yourself. I could see it— and I don't want to lose another one of my brothers to grief."

I shrugged, "Then what do you suggest I do?" My voice didn't sound curious. It sounded dead.

She purses her lips, "Do what you used to always do in your youth."

Oh, my prime years. They were wonderful, at the beginning, then they withered over the years. As I was consumed deeper in the mafia world, I seen some of my closest peers' wives die. Sometimes even their children, it was absolutely heartbreaking. So, as I noted this dark insight, I promised myself to never settle with a woman, ever.

To avoid serious relationships, I slept with a lot of women, to make up for the loneliness and bitterness in my soul. My only rule was no strings attached, but over time I realized how empty I was.

"Those days are over."

"You don't have to lie to yourself, Eric." Ales smirked, "What about her," she pointed behind me, "Seems like something you'd like."

I peeked over my shoulder to uneasily view the girl. She was tall and lean, golden hair and soft, blue, rounded eyes. She sat alongside her rowdy friends, hollering her commentary on the game.

I shook my head, recoiling. "Not my type."

Ales sightly frowned, "You're looking for Danica in each girl you see, aren't you?"

The sound of her name unleashed a clawing inside me. Agony ripped right through my heart with the memory of her beautiful face.

"Damn it, Ales!" My temper peaked, and now I was almost shouting at her, so I took a deep breath and composed myself. "I want to commit, believe me, it's all I want— a wife, and possibly even children. But none of that is possible for me with my lifestyle. I'm chained to the emptiness, and now I just have to accept that. I'm learning the hard way— commitment is impossible for me, and it's the one thing I wish more in this world. A family of my own."

I was never truly happy during my prime years, and then I realized from seeing the relationship that my sister had with Rico, I envied it.

Their chemistry had been something I've never experienced, and something I knew the risks all too well to. Marrying a person, growing old together, having children— it was all so beautiful, and so priceless. But, I would never be able to enjoy that, because instead I've chosen the life that puts mine at risk each and every day. I'd die alone, just as I planned when I was younger.