Into the depths of shadows

Chapter 9 - The untold secret

Finley's heart rate quickened as Kade's words echoed in her head. 'Don't lie to me Finley. I know self-harm scars when I see them.' She could feel the memories returning to her mind of a time that she'd much rather forget. The shame felt heavy on her heart. Kade stopped just behind her but she refused to meet his eyes. She knew that if she did, he would see the truth.

Instead of trying to form the words to deny his accusations she darted up the staircase without a word. His protests followed her until finally his long strides caught up to her and he grabbed her arm. She tried to pull free but his grip on her was too strong. "Let me go," she said her voice barely coming out in a whisper.

"Finley, don't hide from me," he said his voice soft and sincere. Slowly he turned her wrist over and ran his thumb across the tiny scars. She shuddered turning away from him as tears filled her eyes. She didn't want to explain this to him. She didn't want him to know the truth.

Panic spread through her and she did the only thing she knew would get him away from her. She shoved him forcefully and he stumbled backwards, hurt evident across his features. "Go home Kade," she said and she was surprised by the venom in her words.

She heard the sharp intake of breath before his footsteps receded. The slamming of the front door was the last indication that he was gone. She pushed through her bedroom door and into the small bathroom. She slammed the door shut in frustration her hands trembling slightly. She glanced at herself in the mirror and she saw the fear in her eyes. This was the one secret she didn't want getting out.

She'd spent years trying to hide the scars. No one knew. Not Tate, not Harley, not anyone. At least until now. She remembered making the scars years ago, she remembered the pain and grief that had consumed her. She remembered the relief and control she'd felt once she'd cut herself. She remembered the blood coursing through her veins and falling from her wounds. She remembered the tears and the shame afterwards. She remembered the worry and panic afterwards knowing that she was going to have to hide them. The memories were too strong and she found herself sliding down against the wall, her hands covering her face.

Now Kade knew and she'd pushed him away too. What if he told someone? What would she say to him?

She glanced down at the tiny horizontal lines. She ran her finger over the slightly raised skin and a tear ran down her face. Why did she have to go to such extreme measures? Everything she did seemed to come back to haunt her. But this mistake was the worst one.

She sat on the tiled floor for a while in complete silence until finally she found enough strength to stand up and turn the shower on. After stripping off her sweaty clothes she stepped into the cool water and scrubbed at her body as if she could wash all her regrets down the drain.

After emerging from the shower she felt slightly more relaxed. Although, her thoughts were still travelling to Kade and what he'd discovered, she was desperate to keep her mind off of it. She stalked back into her bedroom and over to the dresser, taking a hair tie and hastily putting her hair up. Her curls felt soft and silky and she smiled to herself before grabbing her school books and heading downstairs. She sat down at the dining room table that rarely got used and spread her things out in front of her. She wasn't going to spend her day moping, so instead she was going to be productive. As much as she despised school, she knew that she needed to get good grades and graduate.

She flicked the pages of her legal studies text book as she read and jotted down notes. She wasn't particularly paying attention to what she was doing as she hummed and wrote on her book. She scowled at her horrible hand writing before continuing. She'd never liked the scribbled mess she called writing. She remembered her brother teaching her how to write back in primary school but it hadn't improved since then.