Elsie-Rae's got Double D's

blossom hill

I've looked in the paper every-single-day for my letter and it's still not been posted. What am I supposed to do now? I'm trying to get over this, I really am. I'm just here trying to cope a best as I can, but I don't really know what that entails. I think you're supposed to do things like drink wine and pour your heart out to your friends, but I couldn't do that. I didn't want all my friends knowing the indignation that I'd suffered by being dumped at McDonald's of all places.

But I can't drink wine.

Will every single little thing remind me of Ben?

That was how we met, over a bottle of wine — it wasn't as sophisticated as it sounds.

My sister Stephanie was always hanging about down the school field with her friends. You know how when you're almost fifteen and your sister and her mates are two years older and you think they're the coolest thing ever? Well, that's what I'd thought anyway — I'd begged her for months and months to let me go down the field with her, but she always said no. My imagination had been running wild with all the thoughts about what they might get up to down on the school field well into the night, so when she'd finally said yes, I was ecstatic.

Sometimes though it's better to just leave things to your imagination. The boys spent most of their time kicking a football about, and I'd sat with the girls, watching them as they expertly applied their lipgloss and giggled over which boy they fancied the most. In all honesty, it was kinda boring.

"Which one do you like?" Kayleigh, one of Steph's friends, asked me.

"None of them," I'd said to her, and I can only guess that my cheeks were flashing like beacons because I felt myself get all hot.

"Here, have a drink of this, that'll sort you out," she'd said, handing me a bottle of Blossom Hill.

It tasted disgusting, I can still remember how I gagged when I'd swallowed it, but after a while, it didn't seem so bad. And that was when he caught my eye.

He was sat next to some dark-haired kid, who Steph had been making gooey eyes at all night. He had blonde hair, and blue eyes and this really cute smile, he could've been one of the boys from the magazines that Steph used to read.

And then Steph disappeared, she was off snogging the dark-haired kid, and she'd left me alone with him, that cute boy with the model looks. I really wanted him to talk to me, but also I didn't want him to talk to me because I was an awkward fourteen-year-old. So I just drank more and more of the wine that I didn't like the taste of.

The last memory of that night was throwing up on the grass next to me.

Steph told me that I'd had a few too many sips of wine and passed out, but my mum tells an entirely different story - if you listen to her version of events, I'm lucky to be here. According to her I nearly died, apparently, an ambulance was called and raced me off to the hospital where they pumped my stomach and had me on a drip. My mum is also known for exaggerating stories.

I was grounded for the rest of the summer holidays; it was okay in the beginning because I was recovering from my trauma and then it got tedious and my mum got fed up with my whining, so she let me go to McDonald's with Steph and her friends.

He was there again, that boy the one who could be in a magazine, and imagine my horror when he sat next to me. I nearly died, again.

Steph was telling Kayleigh about plans for the upcoming weekend. They were all going to Enigma because it was Katie Witts eighteenth and they'd have no problem getting in because even though they were only sixteen, they had tits — and they weren't afraid to use them.

"Sorry Ben looks like it's a night home alone for you," Steph had said to the boy sitting next to me.

"He'll probably be too busy wanking anyway," Kayleigh said, before bursting out into fits of laughter.

"I've got plans," he said. "Yeah, I'm going out, with a girl if you must know."

"What's her name then?" Steph challenged him.

"Don't be stupid, she doesn't have a name, it's his right hand," Kayleigh said, and they both laughed again. "Ben doesn't date; and anyway who would want to date him?"

"Definitely did think like that when you asked me to go to the end of year disco with you. I would date if I found a girl who was actually worth going on a date with," he said.

I thought she might jump over the table and gouge his eyes out, wipe the smug smile off his face. God knows he deserved it.

And then he put his arm around me. That was when I feared for my safety, Kayleigh looked at me as if she wanted to gouge my eyes out too.

Kayleigh stormed off, and Stephanie followed. Ben bought me a McFlurry and asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema with him on Saturday.

Well, of course, I said yes. I didn't care if Kayleigh fancied him, it's not like she was my friend, I wasn't breaking the so-called girl code. Did it really matter that I hadn't so much as spoken a word to him before? Hell no it didn't. I was going out with Ben despite what anyone else thought.

The date — because it was definitely a date — was a bit of a disaster, but who cares? I took great delight in telling Steph what a great time we'd had. Ben had wanted to see The Orphanage, but that was an eighteen certificate, so we had to settle for Alvin and the Chipmunks instead. I was kinda glad about that, I mean I've heard the stories: guy takes a girl to see a horror movie, girl gets scared and then guy swoops in like a hero and kisses the girl. No, nuh-uh, I didn't want Ben getting any funny ideas. It wasn't like we were going to be proper boyfriend and girlfriend and kiss or anything like that.

So, you see our love story started and ended in exactly the same spot. How depressing!