Elsie-Rae always fancied having Double D's and that's exactly what she got after her boyfriend Ben dumped her, since that night in McDonald's car park her life has been one disaster and dilemma after another.
Now, she must learn to live her...
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Happy Birthday to me, twenty-two today. I'll probably celebrate on the weekend or something, that's what I've done for the last five years; it doesn't feel right to celebrate on the actual day anymore.
This is the first anniversary where we haven't been together, part of me wants to try and contact Ben, obviously, I can't call him because I don't have his number, but maybe send him a message on Facebook or something, just like to check in on him, make sure he's okay, even if he doesn't deserve it. It's not even as if I miss him or anything anymore, I don't even think about him, but it's hard not to today. Maybe as each year goes by, I'll think of him even less. Maybe one day five or ten years from now this day will arrive and I won't even think of Ben at all.
I went to the beach, the place where we scattered his ashes; it's really beautiful in the morning just as the sun is coming up. It's quiet and calm and where the sun hits the sea it shines like a diamond, the gentle breeze on my face and in my hair makes me feel close to him.
"Hey," I heard a voice from beside me. We haven't spoken in months, but I know who it is; I don't answer because I don't know what to say.
"I'm sorry for those things I said to you. For everything, really," he said. "I got these," he said holding out a bunch of yellow roses, the same flowers we brought every year.
I wished I could have said to him that it was okay, that it didn't matter, but that would've been a lie and his apologies were worthless anyway. So, instead, I said nothing to him.
"It's mad isn't it, to think that he'd be six this year?"
"Yeah, I guess that makes us really old or something," I finally spoke to him.
"Do you ever think about what he'd be like? Do you think he'd be anything like me?"
"Yeah, I do. I think about him all the time, like, every day," I'd said while wiping the tears from my cheek. "I think he'd be all the good bits of me and the good bits of you too; he'd be perfect," I couldn't stop myself from smiling at him.
"You really believe I have any good bits?"
"Of course, you do Ben, everyone has some good in them." Despite everything that had happened over the years, he wasn't all bad; I mean why would you spend so long with someone if everything was bad?
"Thank you, Elsie. Look I know this is stupid, and I wouldn't blame you if you said no, but do you want to go get a drink? We could go to the Corner Café and get a coffee and cake, like we used to, well, I mean you'll have a tea, right? Because you don't drink coffee."
And I agreed to go for tea with him.
I didn't go because I'm still in love with him, I'm not. I no longer cling on to the hope that he will suddenly decide that he's still in love with me and beg me to take him back — I don't want that anymore. The reason I said yes is that I'm stronger now than I was all those months ago, I can go for tea in the same café that we've gone to, on this day for the five previous years and not fall apart because I don't love Ben, it's taken a while, but I'm over him now, a hundred per cent.
Of course, I'm not going to tell my mum or dad or anyone else for that matter that we sat and drank tea together, they would only think that I was an idiot. They'd probably be right, but that's not really the point.
