Elsie-Rae always fancied having Double D's and that's exactly what she got after her boyfriend Ben dumped her, since that night in McDonald's car park her life has been one disaster and dilemma after another.
Now, she must learn to live her...
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So, Dean hasn't called me. I mean he could've at least texted me to see how I was, make sure I got home okay from McDonald's car park after being dumped there for the second time in less than three months. What a dick!
Oh, well, weekend away with the girls this weekend, so at least there's something to look forward to.
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My cousin Megan's getting married at the end of the month — about bloody time too — after ten years together Darren finally asked her to be his wife, she should've said no.
Of all the places she could've gone for her hen do, she chose Blackpool, I mean c'mon, Blackpool?! I didn't even want to go, it's like a poor man's Vegas, but the drinks are stupidly cheap and Megan is my cousin, so it's not like I could say no.
The whole place is full of idiots! Hen parties and stag dos galore, all those people who'd agreed to marry someone — morons the lot of 'em.
As much as I didn't want to go, I went and put on a brave face, made the most of it — twenty quid goes quite far in pubs of Blackpool. I got absolutely wasted, well, when in Rome, or in my case the wet and windy North of England an all that. Didn't think I'd find myself walking down the road with a massive bellend especially since Ben had dumped me, but an oversized, inflatable penis became my new best friend — I even brought him home with me, my mum's not happy about that.
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