Asylum - Danger Days {Completed}

9. Not Even a Body to Bury

"I just wanted you to know that the world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me. Are you thinking of me? Like I'm thinking of you? I would say I'm sorry, though. Though I really need to go. I just wanted you to know. I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you every night, every day." --- The World Is Ugly

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Not Even a Body to Bury

The van pulls to a shaky stop outside the radio station. The Dracs and Scarecrows gave up on chasing us after a few minutes, so we were able to make a quick getaway. I sit in stunned silence, fists still clenched against the side door. Missile Kid is sniffling behind me in Show Pony's arms, where she's been for the entire long ride. Show Pony sets her aside and stands.

DJ Hot Chimp, the woman driving the van, jumps out and opens the door. I fall forward on my hands and knees in the dirt, scratching them on stray rocks. They bleed, but I don't notice. I scramble to get a foothold and shakily get to my feet, staring off into space.

"Paranoia?" I turn. Show Pony is standing just outside the van. Missile Kid is clutching the back of his spotted tights, her knuckles white. DJ Hot Chimp is on the other side of the open van door, looking at me with pity. I hate her for it. "Can you help us with Dr. D?"

Dr. Death Defying rolls his eyes. "I can get out of a damn van on my own, thank you. Just get me that slab of plywood."

Show Pony disentangles Missile Kid's fingers from his tights and nudges her in my direction. She runs at me, throwing her arms around my legs and clutching me tightly. I set my hand on top of her head, unsure of what to do. I haven't had to give comfort like this before, not to someone so young. Hot Chimp takes note of my discomfort and scoops Missile Kid up, murmuring softly to her. There are tearstains on my jeans.

Shortly after, Show Pony returns with a wide sheet of plywood. He sets it against the open door of the van and holds it in place as Dr. D rolls himself down the makeshift ramp. Then he lifts it back up and shuts the door before taking the wood back to wherever he'd gotten it from. Dr. D turns his head in my direction. His dark eyes are sad. "Come on. We've got to broadcast this."

Hot Chimp nods and carries Missile Kid into the radio station ahead of the man in the wheelchair. Numbly, I stumble after them, tripping over invisible objects and not really seeing anything in front of me. Show Pony joins us seconds later. He sets a gentle hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Paranoia," he says softly. I give him a blank look and don't respond.

Dr. Death Defying clears his throat and starts to speak into the microphone, broadcasting to every Killjoy in the Zones with a working radio. "Bad news from the Zones, tumbleweeds. Our Fabulous Killjoys ran into some trouble with Korse and his Dracs and, uh..." He trails off, clearing his throat again. He sounds like he's forcing the next words out. "Got themselves ghosted. Dusted out in Battery City."

I clench my eyes shut and lean against the wall, hugging my body. "We lost four good men today, Killjoys. Jet Star." I bite my lip. "Kobra Kid." I slide down to the floor. "Fun Ghoul." I let out a quiet whimper. "And Party Poison." I bury my face in my knees, which have stopped bleeding, and cover the back of my head with my arms. "They lost their lives trying to save Missile Kid. And they succeeded. Missile Kid is safe, motor babies. I repeat: Missile Kid is safe."

I allow myself to feel a slight flicker of pride for my fallen boys. We did what we set out to do; we saved the little girl from Korse's clutches. But the feeling leaves me immediately as soon as Dr. D says his next words. "Paranoia Violence made it out alive, too. We've still got one Fabulous Killjoy."

I hate myself. I hate myself for being alive. I wish I would have died. I want to die. I want to be with my boys again. Three hours apart, and the separation is already murdering my heart and my mind.