Prologue

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Love is the foundation of everything, but it runs out eventually. And in the end it's all about trust, fidelity and other factors that have made something last or vanish.

It is oftentimes misunderstood and most of the time highly regarded.

But if you’ll look around you, reality speaking, Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love doesn’t keep you alive and Love is never capable of killing anyone.

Love for me is just a mere feeling of affection. An involuntary skip in our hear that what we call 'kilig'.

Oh well, maybe just for me.

“Sabrina tigilan mo nga ako! Kung hindi ako uuwi ng maaga sasabihin mong nambababae ako! Ngayong ang aga aga kong umuwi ang dami mo pa ring satsat.”

“Hindi sa pinupuna kita Alberto! Pero hindi mo maikakaila sa akin na maghinala dahil sa mga bali-balitang natatangap ko!”

Maingay na naman dito sa bahay dahil nagaaway na naman ang mga magulang ko. And I couldn’t care less. Wala na rin naman silang pakealam sa amin.

I’ve been hearing the same tantrums for two years now.

My parents have been married for 24 years and counting or so I thought. Theirs was a marriage of convenience but as what I knew, they fell in love with each other in the long run.

Our life is almost perfect. My family belongs to what they consider 'old rich' and my dad is a business tycoon. I have 3 siblings, me as the youngest, and we live like royalties.

But if I were to describe the kind of family I have, it would be a little more complicated. We were as good as new till I was 8. Then when I reached 10, my dad almost never home. My mom started to care less and go out with amigas and my siblings started to rebel. I was left clueless of what’s happening with my happy family. Only my sister cared.

Then two years ago, my dad committed his most stupid mistake. He was caught having an affair with his b*tch of a secretary and the cold war between him and mom began. My dad reconciled with my mom when she almost took suicide. They reconciled and everything was fine again…but just for a few months.

I cannot blame either of them, because I know their marriage was just for convenience and I believe they cared for each other once upon a time. I know because I wouldn’t be here if they didn't.

I was 15 when that mistake happened. My only sister who cared got pregnant and married immediately to avoid scandals, or maybe to escape from everything.

I was left alone.

Until one day I met Red, my knight in shining armor. He brought meaning to my life.  He gave me a chance to be happy again. He became everything to me. Until that day.

Circa 2006

“I’m sorry Sabine.”

Those words were like a bomb exploded in front of me that it took a while for me to process everything, or maybe it was already there ticking and I just chose not to mind.

“Please say something.”

I smiled painfully. “Anong gusto mong sabihin ko sayo Red? You want me to tell you 'It’s ok, I understand that you fell in love with someone else?'” I said sarcastically

“Sab, it’s n—“

“No, you’re right. May pagkukulang din ako sayo. Marami. And I should’ve understand it if it’s not my BESTFRIEND!”

“it wasn’t like that at all.” if it had been a different situation, I would probably hug and kiss him because of the miserable look at his face. But I cannot. Instead, I started crying.

“Before I said ‘yes’, I told you to be honest with me all the time ): I told you to warn me when you’re falling out of love because I don’t want us to end… like this.” he started moving closer to me but I stepped back and continued.

“I was feeling you’re becoming indifferent and cold lately, at alam mong hindi ako tanga! Pero ewan ko, I don’t know why I decided to be an idiot pero siguro kasi ayaw kong i-crowd ka. ): ayokong pangunahan ka o siguro dahil natatakot ako kasi mahal na mahal kita ): and I was expecting you to be honest about it, kung sinabi mo naman yun you know I wouldn’t stop you.”

I didn’t notice that I was already mumbling up my words and he’s already crying. He hugged me and I just let him, last na rin naman to |:

“I’m very sorry Sab, I hope we’ll remain friends”

“You’re forgiven, both of you. But I don’t think the latter is a good Idea.” :-[

Then the next thing I knew, I was crying my heart out at the place where we first kissed.

Worst, it was my sweet sixteen and our graduation ball.

It was supposed to be my happiest day of my life.

That day my life was crushed, but I had to remain strong because I have no one. I was alone.

I was loveless, but nevertheless ALIVE.

****

That day I died. But I was left with no choice but to live again and so I did. I even wondered why my parents named me Happy Sabine if I wouldn’t at least live with it. Red calls me Sabine because he told me I was sad when he met me. So my first name doesn’t suit me.

Anyway, let’s change the topic. That was almost a year now.

I’ll be turning 18 next month. My parents got divorced 5 months ago.

My sister is carrying her second child already and my two other brothers are happily married and living in the states.

I study at a prestigious university as a sophomore taking up BS Education and focusing on it. I live with my mom and we’re doing good, almost happy I can say.

Everything with my life is neither great nor worst. it’s JUST doing fine. I have no regrets of anything that happened in the past, especially with Red, because that day I knew I was changed.

Now I’m willing to bring change for others.

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