Somebody Else's Fairytale

One

Dear Ms. Happy,

I have a problem.

May 2 year ex ako and we were like in an on and off relationship tapos siya din yung laging nakikipagbalikan. We had the same routine na ganun but 3 months ago, I got fed up. Nagsawa na ko sa ganung cycle na lagi ko na lang siyang pinagbibigyan. I broke up with him.

Then ngayon he wants me back, pero hindi ko alam. I know I still love him pero everytime na iisipin ko kung anong mangyayari pag binigyan ko sya ulit ng chance nagdadalawang isip na ko. I asked him if he still loves me and he said 'yes' but he can’t prioritize me and I can’t feel it anymore. Sa 2 years na pinagsamahan namin hindi ako umaangal na bigyan niya ko ng time kasi ayaw ko masakal siya, pero alam mo yun? Everytime na bibigyan ko siya ulit ng chance uulit na naming kami sa dati.

What should I do? :(

-Sheyn

Dear Sheyn,

I don’t know the whole story. How and why you don’t feel he loves you.

I think you should give him another chance, but figure things out before you get into the relationship again. Tell him what you feel and what you want because maybe he loves you and he just can’t fully express how he feels, maybe he thinks everything he does is enough for you. Tell him everything. Clear things out because guys never liked guessing games. Hints oftentimes annoy them.

If it’s in the other hand, that you try to tell him everything but he still wouldn’t change or at least try, then maybe it will never work. It would still be the same all over again. He will take you for granted. If he can’t compromise with the things you want or the things you long from him, then he doesn’t love you enough to make your relationship work. Maybe he needs time for himself because he still doesn’t know how to prioritize those important people in his life. He needs space to grow.

Ganyan talaga Sheyn, most of the time babae ang nagdadala ng isang relasyon. I hope you figure things out.

-Happy

I switched my laptop off and proceeded to hit the sack. Pero hindi pa rin ako makatulog. Pabaling baling lang ako sa kama, so I decided to check up on my mom.

“Ma.” I knocked on her door.

“Ikaw pala, pasok ka anak.”

“Hindi na (: I just checked on you kung tulog ka na. saka magtitimpla lang ako ng gatas sa baba.”

“Halika hija, upo ka muna dito.” pumasok ako then I sat beside her bed.

“Konti na lang talaga dalaga na talaga ang baby ko (:” kung napapansin niyo, she doesn’t fit to the description I gave. She changed and became better since naghiwalay na talaga sila ni dad. Akala ko nga mag su-suicide attempt siya ulit but fortunately hindi (: instead she became a hands down mother.

“Sus (: nag da-drama pa :D may apo ka na nga eh.”

“Kahit na. Iba ang anak sa mga apo. At speaking of pagdadalaga, tumawag sakin ang daddy mo kanina na magkita daw kami para pagusapan yung details ng debut mo.” I was a bit shocked, di ko alam na nagkikita na ulit sila ni daddy.

“Is it ok with you? 0.o she seemed to sense the hesitation in my voice.

“Oo naman. Kahit anong nangyare sa past namin. Kami pa rin ang mga magulang mo. Hindi magbabago yun.” I was moved by what she said. Maybe they were better apart, they became happier.

“Thank you, Ma, goodnight. Pahinga ka na.” I kissed her forehead before leaving the room and went downstairs to get a glass of milk and reminisce for a while.

****

When I entered college, I was still not sure of what will happen. In short, I was still recovering.  I mingled and acted like normal until I gained friends. Then I met my best friend, Sandy Matthews. She was my quiet seatmate at history class whom I always bump with at the Library. She was aloof at first but when we started to chit chat and get to know each other, we just clicked. She was my instant confidante because she’s very flexible. She can be super quiet then so talkative the next. She’s a smart lady and we’re always together although we differ in majors.

During our Second Semester, I stopped seeing her at the library and she skipped classes for a week. She doesn’t answer her phone too so I got worried and went to our own private place to check if she was there, then there I saw her, crying.

“Sands, what’s wrong?” I sat beside her and patted her back. She started crying harder.

“Hey, I’m here. I’ll listen when you’re ready, ok?” She nodded and started to cry again, I just sat there with her not making any sounds until she spoke, so soft.

“I caught them together in bed.” I was dumbfounded, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if there are words that would make her feel better.

I just hugged her so tight then cried with her, she is my best friend after all.

****

That night I became fully aware of everything, about relationships and college life. Days passed and I continuously supported Sandy till she completely recovered. During her process of moving on, I’ve seen that her situation was nothing compared to other people around me.

Starting with my group of friends, I’ve heard different sides of situation they’re in and remained quiet not because I don’t want to help, I just don’t know where to start. Then an idea was given to me by Sandy. She suggested why don’t I give them advises or share my opinion just like what I did to her. At first I refused, kasi alam ko na hindi ganun kadali sumunod ng advice, kahit gaano pa katama yun.

“Give it a try, wala naming mawawala sayo. Malamang makatulong ka pa.”

That’s what she told me. Then it’s when everything started. It started with my circle of friends, I gave my opinion in a-not-so-harsh-way and fortunately some of them worked out. From my friends, it reached to their friends and to friends of their friends =)) parang common friends and It’s when Sandy decided to make a website called 'hydrolovephobics' and I have no idea what it means (: I saw that she was so happy about what we were doing, and I am too.

It’s so overwhelming to feel love even if you don’t really have it.