Oblivion (A Stiles Stilinski/Teen Wolf Fanfiction) [3]

Chapter 19 - Amazing Grace

 Sure, it's a few days late, but with everything going on it's hard to find time to plan your own father's funeral. Melanie's dad actually did most of the work. I didn't really mind I guess. Planning how to put your father's body in the ground is kind of like watching him die all over again. 

 I stared at my reflection in the mirror, thinking about what had been going through my mind the last time I did so. I don't feel that way anymore. There's still this dark part inside of me that scares the absolute hell out of me, but I don't want to end my life. I can't do that. I can't leave behind all of the people who still need me.

 There was a soft knock on my bedroom door. "Come in," I said.

 It squeaked open as I smoothed out the bottom of my black dress. Lydia let me borrow one again. I never really thought about buying one before because I guess I never thought I'd have to attend another funeral for a family member so soon. It made my heart swell when she brought it over.

 "You sure you want to do this?" Stiles asked, stepping in behind me. He was wearing black slacks with a blue button up shirt and a tie. I wanted to compliment him on how dapper he looked, but I just didn't have it in me at the moment.

 "Yeah," I said, shaking my head and turning around to face him. "I need this, this closure,"

 Knowing that Dad will be in his final resting place, that makes all of this a bit easier to swallow. I just need someone to prove to me that it's true. That's all this funeral really is to me, a little reinforcement.

 "If it becomes too much or anything, just tell me and we'll leave, okay?" He said.

 I nodded again. I forced a smile, but I should know better than to think I can fool Stiles like that. He knows me far too well. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close into his chest. I nuzzled my head into his shoulder, just wishing I could stay there forever. 

 "You'll get through this," he said lightly. "I know you will,"

 "I'm an orphan," I whispered, so quietly I was surprised he'd even heard me.

 "But only on paper,"

 I pulled my head off his shoulder to look up at him, an awe in my eyes. I wondered how I got so lucky to find someone like him. I would never have been able to get through all that I have without him. He's my rock, and I don't know where I'd be if I never got the courage to tell him how I felt.

 "Come on," he said, letting me go but slinging an arm around my back. "Eric's waiting,"

 ☀

 No one should have to bury both of their parents before they even graduate high school. Yet, here I am, sitting in an uncomfortable fold out chair in front of three tombstones. Three family members I never got the chance to say goodbye to. Three people that will never get to see me grow up and get married and start a family. 

 I don't know how I'm supposed to react. I don't want to be sad, but there's just this gaping hole in my gut where those three people used to be and I don't know how to fix it. Maybe I'll never be able to fix it. Maybe I'm not supposed to. 

 I'm trying to pretend that I'm okay. I look people in the eye and tell them that I'm fine. They know I'm lying, they have to. I guess I just have it in my head that if I say it enough maybe it'll become true. They say that can happen when you tell a lie enough times. Well, people start to believe it at least.

 There's a lot of people here, more than I expected. But I don't think they're all here because of Dad. They're here because of me. I just haven't quite decided if that's a good thing or not, having that many people care about me.