Dealing with more #wattys2019

24. SpongeBob made me do it

My eyes fluttered open to find tiny wisps of light reflecting in crazy patterns against the peach-colored walls. The white bedsheets that covered me shifted, reminding me that I had fallen asleep in Brett's arms once again. Turning to face him, I couldn't help but lick my lip. Brett's hair was fanning across the white pillows and I brought my hand to his hair as I studied his sleeping face.

Glistening blue eyes opened to my face, full of warmth and desire, mimicking mine as he pulled me in closer to him. I inhaled into his bare chest letting the cologne invade my nose. I gave him a small kiss against his skin, savoring the softness of his skin.

"I love you." He whispered into my ear before he tilted my chin up towards him enabling me to hide my stupid grin.

"I love you more," I whispered before his lips made contact with mine. My lips moved in sync with his cherry tasting ones. My hands found their way into his soft locks of hair and pushed his lips even harder against mine causing the kiss to become rushed and hungry. We began kissing each other as our lives depended on it before he rolled me onto my back and hunched over me, taking the opportunity to slide his tongue in. His lips traced down my jaw to my neck where he took his time leaving delicious love bites. Sighs of ecstasy followed his actions.

I arched my body to feel closer to him but am left with nothingness. I try to wrap my hands around him to find that his back is missing and my eyes snap open.

Why was I back at the bowling ally?

I turn around to see the same corner that I turned around the other day and saw Brett making out with Amy. Curiosity seemed to pull me to around the corner even though something told me that it was a bad idea.

This time I did not gasp when I saw Brett and Amy locked at the lips. I felt a warm tear slip down my cheek. I again felt the shatter of my heart and tried to fight the pain away mentally. Covering my eyes, I began to plead with 'who knows' for the scene to disappear.

"They were only lessons." Brett's voice seemed to echo in my head. "I never loved you like that." His voice grew harsher with each repetition. "They were only lessons. I never loved you. They were only lessons. I never loved you." I covered my ears to silence this nightmare.

My eyes snapped open to a faint light coming through the curtains. My heartbeat quickened as I felt the bed shift behind me and a brush of his skin against mine. My stomach started to churn with what I thought was disgust from the nightmare but turned into a real aching that started a sense of urgency that sent me into a panic. I didn't take the time to try and crawl out from his arms and instead flung him off of me as I sloppily rolled off the bed and sprinted into the bathroom. Luckily for the floor, the toilet was up, so I shared some of last night's bad choices with the toilet.

Why did I always do this to myself?!

After a few minutes of dry heaving, the creek of the door alerted me to Brett's presence. I didn't dare turn my head from the toilet as Brett gave me a cup of fizzing water and pulled back my hair. Once I felt confident that I was done, I chugged down as much of the water in the cup as I could before setting it back down.

I was still kneeling in front of the toilet before I felt Brett's hands starting to massage my shoulders. The tears started falling and my body started shuddering. My mind was in a state of confusion with everything that was going on and there was nothing I could do but let my body start into a state of panic. 

"Do you need a blanket?" Brett asked, seeing my shaking as me being cold. I felt a panic attack coming on as I felt the world shrinking in on me and the feeling of loneliness.

"No. I'm-- Fine." I struggled to get out between labored breaths. "I- can't" I couldn't even bother to finish the sentence as I fought for breath and tried to stand up to put distance between me and this pain. It was inside my head but it was crushing.