A Friend's Love

Chapter Two: Erec

Two weeks. Two weeks of pain, bitterness, and silence. I stopped talking, stopped eating. Even my favorite foods had stopped tasting good. I didn't see the point of eating anymore. I only took showers because the smell of my shampoo was soothing. The basic things I had to do seemed tiring and pointless. Brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, changing clothes... somehow the thought of doing those simple things, disgusted me. It was as if going through the motions was supposed to be more important than the memory of Tessa. And I didn't feel like that was true, so I didn't see the point of bothering.

For a while, my phone didn't stop ringing. Over 70 unread texts in one day must have been a record. There were too many missed calls to count. And I ignored them all. Even my boyfriend's. Erec called at least every hour, from 9 to midnight, every day. For the first two days, I didn't answer any calls or texts. I even turned off my phone a few times. In my mind, they just didn't understand. Sympathy made me pull away, and when people said they understood, or told me everything would be okay, it seemed fake. Besides, talking to people wouldn't bring Tessa back. So I didn't talk to anyone until the third day. That day I was missing her voice, or any familiar voice really. So when Erec called me, I found myself picking up the phone.

"Erec?" I asked, my voice cracking. It was the first time I'd talked at all in two days.

"Amy!" It was Erec's voice, full of nothing but relief and concern. "Baby, is there anything I can do?"

His voice brought tears to my eyes. His concern seemed more real than anyone else's had. He really cared. Why hadn't I realized that before?

"Umm, yeah.. could you... could you maybe come over? I just... I just need someone to talk to..." I whispered. I didn't trust my voice.

"I'll be right there, okay?" he assured me.

"Okay." My voice was barely audible, but Erec knew what I meant. He always knew.

My hand shook as I took the cell phone from my ear and pressed the "End" button. All of a sudden, I was exhausted. I hadn't talked to anyone, seen anyone, or even touched anyone, in days. And talking to Erec was painful, because it reminded me of Tessa. Erec, unknown to him, was the reason she and I had fought before. Tessa hadn't liked him. She hadn't liked me with him. She never had. And now, she was gone and I was wondering if she had been right after all...

But no, I couldn't think about that now. The pain was just too great... Erec would be here soon. He was still... alive. Unlike Tessa...

And with that, the memories, the pain, the torture, became too much. I curled into a ball on my bed and bawled. I lost track of time, of everything but my own thoughts. I couldn't even remember ever feeling anything but this unbearable pain...

And then, a touch. Suddenly someone was there, holding me in their arms. I hadn't been touched in so long.. My first instinct was to shy away, to curl back into my ball and keep my eyes closed. Would that really be so bad? It didn't matter, after all...

But then I heard his voice. Somehow, that sound made something snap inside of me. My eyes flew open. Was it really him? Was everything in my world not gone?

Sure enough, Erec was there, holding me close. Almost cautiously, like a timid animal, he gently wiped the tears from my cheeks. There was something in his eyes, something I couldn't read. But I really didn't care. I didn't care, because suddenly all I knew was that he was here. He was really here.

I twisted in his arms so I was hugging him. He gripped me firmly. He was strong for me as always. He had always been the rock I could lean on... when Tessa... when Tessa wasn't there...

And then it hit me again, like it had been several times every day, all over again. Tessa, was gone. She was really gone.

So once again, I cried. I cried and sobbed and shook. I felt like a human water hose. Erec must have thought I was stupid. But I couldn't stop. Once I started to calm down, I would remember something and the horrifying truth would hit me again. Why did this have to be happening? This wasn't fair! Why did they have to take Tessa? Why not me? Then I wouldn't have to endure this pain...

I didn't even care how selfish my thoughts were. I just didn't understand... It felt like my world was falling apart...

Once I calmed down, I found I was still in Erec's arms. Surprisingly, he hadn't let go of me. But the look on his face scared me. He was keeping something from me, holding something back. And it was bad. I knew it. This couldn't be good... but I had to ask. I had to know what was wrong with him. ...right?

"Erec?" I whispered. My throat was sore from sobbing. "What's wrong? ...you're keeping something from me, aren't you?"

Silence. It went on for so long that I was getting worried, and then he spoke. "Amy..." He swallowed, hard. "Amy, we need to talk."

Oh no. 'We need to talk.' What could that mean? Was it bad? Had I done something? Did he know something I didn't? No, no, no... this couldn't be happening!

My heart sped up. I was scared. Scared of what could happen, what might happen. I could almost feel it coming.

"...I'm listening." I found myself saying. It was almost automatic. I was so used to listening to people and their lives and problems... but now I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what was about to come out of Erec's mouth.

He opened his mouth. And then closed it. The look in his eyes... (was it pity?) scared me. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not after.. no. I couldn't think about that. I just couldn't. I couldn't afford to break down now. But it was hard not to. Every second of holding back my tears hurt. And he wasn't saying anything. Why wasn't he saying anything?

"Erec, just spit it out." I hissed. I hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but he needed to just say it. Deep down, I already knew what he was going to say. So why not just get it over with?

Erec looked surprised. And for a second, he was too shocked to speak. But then the words came pouring out, almost like he couldn't stop. It sounded like he'd rehearsed his speech a million times. That wasn't a good thing.

"Amy, look... I feel like something's changed. Not about you, but about me. I'm starting to see how much of a jerk I've been to you and everyone else. And... I think I want to change. But to do that... I need time to think. I need time away from the world... and from you. Baby, I'm sorry, but... I need to let you go..." He paused and took a deep breath. Tears were forming in his eyes. Erec never cried. Not even when he broke his wrist during that basketball game, or when he fell out of that tree we had been hiding in just a few weeks ago. ...and now he was. "But you have to know that this isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself, whatever you do. You are amazing Amy. And I'm sorry it's taken me this long to realize how amazing you are. You put up with me when I was at my worst. You stood up for me every time I picked a fight... even when I was wrong. And I can't thank you enough for that. But I need time away. I need to let you go..." Another pause. "So I guess you're free. You can forget about me. I don't deserve you. Find someone who'll treat you right Amy. Someone who's not like me."

Erec stood up. The warmth his arms had given me vanished and I was suddenly cold, from the inside, out. I couldn't feel my lips. I couldn't breathe right. This couldn't be happening.

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry." was the last thing he said to me. And then... he walked out the door. After 3 months of being together, he was gone, and I was alone... Truly alone.

'Laugh until your stomach hurts, because not all pain is bad.'

- Alyssa <3