A Friend's Love

Chapter Ten: Rain

Rain.

It was raining hard. I could hear it hitting the roof like rocks on wood. It ran down the windows, making trails of water to match the tears on my cheeks that weren't quite dry. The world was wet and cold. And cruel. I usually loved the rain. The smell, the way it pounded on the roof, the way it ran down my window... it usually comforted me. But now, the rain made me gloomier. It matched my mood.

To give me something to do, I made myself a mug of hot chocolate and turned some random music up loud. Tucked under my sheets, I was warm, but not content. My heart was heavy with my doubts and fears and the pain of feeling like I had to choose. What was I going to do? If I didn't act... would I lose them both?

But what if I made the wrong choice? What if I said or did something wrong and screwed everything up? What if...?

After an hour of debating, I decided to call Jake. He'd know what to do. And I didn't have to tell him everything. I could just tell him about Erec and ask for some advice. No problem with that, right?

So I called. It felt like the phone rang for ages, even though Jake answered right away. He knew I hated waiting. And he knew I only called if I really needed to talk to him.

When he said "Amy?" I lost my train of thought. And my voice. I couldn't think straight. What was I supposed to say? He wasn't just a best friend to me anymore. But I wasn't sure exactly how I felt about him yet either. And then Erec... Erec screwed up everything. I didn't know what to say.

So it wasn't until Jake spoke up that I spit some words out.

"Amy? What's wrong?"

I said the first thing that came to my mind. "Did I ever tell you about Erec?"

Even saying his name brought on a wave of confusion. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to feel when it came to Erec... or Jake... Even Jake's voice sent a chill up my spine. Was that a good thing?

I could hear the confusion in his voice when he said, "Yeah... why does it matter?"

I remembered telling Jake about Erec one time, when it was just us. And in Jake's opinion, Erec was a jerk. So how would he react to this?

"He sent me a message on Facebook... and he said... he said..." I stuttered.

"What did he say Amy?" His voice was hard and cold, like he was trying to hide an emotion, or like he was angry. But I kept talking. Now that I'd started, I couldn't stop.

"Jake, he told me he wanted me back. It was this whole long thing about how he's changed and he realized that he was a huge jerk to me and now he wants to try again. He said to reply as soon as I could. He begged me to take him back... but I don't know if I want to. I don't know what I feel about him anymore. He didn't treat me right, and who's to say he won't go back to his old ways once he has me? And even if he has changed, is he right for me? He barely knows me... and I only know some things about him. Do I want to take the time to start over with him? Or should I .... or should I try for someone who really knows me? Someone like..." I trailed off, and then spoke up again before Jake could ask a question. "Never mind. Forget that last part. I just... Jake, I just don't know what to do..."

I was holding back tears by now. I didn't care what he would say. I just needed to say what was on my mind, and know someone was listening. Now... I wasn't sure what I could do. But at least I had gotten half of it off my chest.

There was a long pause while I dried the tears that had escaped from my closed eyes. I listened to my heart beat slower and slower, and then felt it skip when Jake started talking.

"Amy... what do you want me to say? Erec... Erec's a jerk. He treated you like crap. And I have a feeling that if you give him a second chance, he'll treat you like crap all over again. People can change, but it's hard, and I don't think you should take your chances with him." He paused, and then sighed like he was about to make a mistake. "Maybe I'm just jealous... Because he had to guts to tell you how he feels... and I don't..."

My body went numb. My heart stopped. I was suddenly sweating like crazy. Had he really just said that? Did it mean what I thought it meant? Or was I so anxious I was hallucinating? ...Hallucinating seemed more likely.

"Jake? What... what are you saying?" I whispered. My hands were shaking. I held on to the edge of my bed for support. I felt dizzy.

"I'm saying... what I'm saying is..." he coughed nervously. "I... Amy, I don't know how to say this..."

"Say what?" My voice was barely audible.

"Amy... to me... you're not just my best friend... I don't really know what it is, but something about you just... Whenever you touch me, it send a chill down my spine. Your face, your laugh, your smile... you make me happy. I ... I've never felt this way before... And it sort of scares me, but... I think it's a good thing. The only problem is... I don't know how you feel about... well, about me." Jake cleared his throat again uncomfortably and then... there was silence.

So I did the natural thing...

I let out a sob. A single sob.

And then I hung up.

And threw my phone at the wall.

And then... I cried.

'Heavy Heart. Free Mind.'

Yup(: That's it(: Hope you've liked it so far(: And hey, what do you think about the sudden confession from Jake? Did you see it coming?

-Alyssa <3