A Friend's Love

Chapter Three: Problem? Solved.

Confusion.

That was all I could feel. Just plain confusion. Why would he do this to me? Didn't he know that this hurt... a lot?

But then again, I should have seen this coming. Tessa had always told me Erec was a jerk.

Fresh tears streamed down my face as I remembered but I hardly noticed. I remembered how Tessa had randomly blown up at me about Erec one day. I remembered how she had come straight up and told me. It had been one thing after another. I could've made a list on paper, but instead I made one in my head...

He didn't treat me right. I wasn't the same person with him. I ignored everyone when I was with him... and then he ignored me. He never made up his mind and kept it. He'd cheated on me so many times. My love for him was more of an obsession and it was becoming unhealthy...

The list went on and on. And I had argued with her. Eventually, Tessa had given up and the issue was just dropped. But now I was starting to think that maybe she was right. Maybe I'd been so defensive because... I'd known she was right. Erec was, or had been, the best boyfriend ever... when everything was going good. But if something went wrong in his life, I was always the first person he'd blamed. If he failed a test, he got mad at me because I didn't remind him to study. If Erec lost a basketball game, he yelled at me because I'd made him forget about basketball practice because I'd been texting him. And then there was the fact that he got jealous so easily it was ridiculous. Even if he hadn't talked to me in a week, if he saw me hanging out with another guy he'd get so ticked. It frustrated me so much.

I went through the list in my mind, thought about all the negative things in Erec and in our relationship. It wasn't easy. For all of those three months and even before that, I'd worshiped Erec. I guess it really wasn't that healthy... but it had taken a death and a break-up for me to realize that... God I was a horrible person... I'd ignored Tessa when it had come to one of the most important things in my life... a person I loved.

But the real question now, was whether I still loved him or not. Should I wait for him, and be there as he tried to better himself? Or should I give up and find someone else? Could I even stop loving him? Did I want to?

Too much. It was all too much to think about. First Tessa, and now Erec... I couldn't do it. I couldn't think straight. My head was pounding and I felt like I was about to throw up. This was crazy. I just couldn't do this...

*



It took me hours, hours, to think straight and focus on the question. What was I going to do about Erec?

But when I reached my decision, I promised myself I'd stick to it.

I figured that maybe I was better off without him, at least for right now. I would back down until he was ready. And in the meantime, I'd give myself time to think and get my heart fixed. And if Erec did come back to me... well, I'd figure that out then.

I knew that Erec would always be a part of me. But hanging onto the past was unhealthy. And it wasn't like our relationship had been the healthiest. It had been a fairytale for me, but I'd been obsessing over him. And I doubted that he had ever loved me as much as I had loved him. So maybe it was better to let go, even if it was just for now. I'd just have to see how things would go.

It was 2:30 in the morning when I finally got up off my bed and took a shower. The smell of my shampoo was comforting, as always. As the water soaked my hair and ran down my back, I felt, for the first time a long time (or so it seemed), that at least something in the world would be okay again. This wasn't what I had wanted, or even imagined, but I would have to take things as they were. [I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body.] Acceptance was be-....

Forget this crap. Being positive was bull. My best friend had just died. What the heck was I doing thinking about an ex? Forget him. Forget it all. Forget this little helpless, silent act. I was going to be silent and rude. I was not helpless. I refused to let this bring me down. I still had a ton of life to live. I was going to get out of this place and leave everything behind. I was going to become a new person. I was...

And then, I realized what I was thinking. I realized I'd been mumbling the words to myself, until the end, when I'd been screaming. My throat hurt. I felt dizzy. The world went fuzzy, and then black.

*



When my parents ran into my room, they found me on the floor, passed out. And they decided to do something about it. But I didn't find out what until I woke up the next morning..




'When nothing goes right... go LEFT.'







- Alyssa <3