A Friend's Love

Chapter Seven: Nightmares

The nightmares. I should have known they'd come. They tormented me every night. And they're always different, but always the same. Because they're all about Tessa.

Tessa. Her face, her smell, her words... they all invaded my dreams. And for a while, it made me happy, because it felt like she was really there. But then my mind became cruel. Over and over, I saw 'The Crash' in my dreams. Every single detail, from the look on Tessa's face, to the feel of icy rain hitting my face and mixing in with the hot tears that clouded my vision, was clear in my mind. I remembered the smells, the pain from hitting my head when I'd passed out. I remembered it all. Every night. Over and over again. And no matter what I did, I couldn't wake up once the nightmares started. That was probably the worst part. They just kept going and going until I woke up screaming.

And, unfortunately, that's what ended up happening... at Jake's house.

 *

I woke up screaming as loud as ever. And at first it was blind panic. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe... And then I realized where I was. And then I started choking. On what, I'm not sure. But all of a sudden, I was bent over, coughing and choking so hard I was seeing double. My eyes were watering and my throat felt like it was on fire. All I could think was, what's happening to me?

And then, there was suddenly something hitting my back. At first I was confused, but then I realized that it was helping to clear my throat. Once my coughing subsided, the firm pounding turned to a gentle rub. I didn't bother to see who was touching me, because I really didn't care. The images from the nightmare were still fresh in my mind. They overloaded me. I couldn't see anything else, even when I closed my eyes. It was like Tessa was right in front of me, watching me. And in this nightmare, she'd been disappointed that I hadn't stopped her from dying.

I knew it was stupid and unrealistic to think that I could have stopped the truck, or pulled her out in time, or... something. But I couldn't help but think those things. What else was I supposed to do? I just didn't know what to do with myself, now that Tessa was gone...

*

It was a long time before I opened my eyes. But when I finally did, I saw Jake. His face showed a mix of expressions, like he was deciding what to feel. But mostly, he was confused.

But I wasn't about to explain myself. He didn't need to know why I'd broken down. It's not like he'd care anyways... right?

So I didn't say anything until he did. And the first thing he did, was ask a question. But it wasn't the question I'd expected.

"Are you okay?"

He wasn't being sarcastic. Jake really wanted to know if I was okay. Maybe it was this unexpected kindness that made me burst into tears again.

Suddenly I found myself in Jake's arms. Why was he hugging me? Why was he being so nice to me? I didn't know. And I didn't really have the energy to figure it out. All I knew was that it was nice, here in Jake's arms. For the first time in what felt like a long time, I was... warm.

When I finally broke away, I couldn't bring myself to look at Jake at all. Was I... was I ashamed? I couldn't be sure... But that was my best guess at whatever it was I was feeling. I just couldn't look at him.

So... there was a very awkward silence following my second outburst of the night. I knew he wanted to ask me a ton of questions, but he was holding back. And I wanted to say something, anything, to make this less awkward. But I didn't know what to say. So I waited until Jake spoke up.  

"...You wanna go... shoot some hoops?"

All I could do was nod. I was so relieved that he hadn't tried to question me, because I doubted I'd be able to answer any of his questions. Hopefully, Jake would just forget this and go back to being the jerk he had been. Because I could put up with that. But I couldn't put up with a nice Jake. No way.

Thankfully, Jake treated me like he had been when we were playing basketball. He stole my basketball, blocked me like we were playing an actual basketball game, and talked plenty of trash. But whenever I caught him looking at me, there would be the weirdest expression on his face. It was like he was trying to figure out something... almost like he was trying to figure out... me. And that was sort of scary.

Eventually Alise called us in for lunch. The clouds were coming in so I decided to go try to eat instead of staying outside. The whole time I choked down my sandwich, I stared across the table at Jake. How would he react, now that he knew? Would he try to ask me questions? Would he treat me differently, or even completely avoid me? I mean, he was a jerk... right?

Just then, I wasn't so sure. The look in his eyes when he'd asked me if I was okay, and the way he'd said it, and even the way he'd held me... all made me think twice. Just who was Jake Johnstone?

I, was determined to find out. As long as I as trapped here, I'd try to find out who Jake was. And maybe, just maybe, I'd find a bit of myself too...

"In three words I can sum up what I've learned about life: it goes on." 

-Robert Frost

How was that chapter? Sorry it's kinda short. I've had a major writer's block until right about... now!

-Alyssa <3