A Friend's Love

Chapter Nine: Decisions?

The computer crashed to the floor, but I didn't care. My hands were shaking so bad I could barely push the buttons to dial Jake's number.

Right before I hit 'Send,' I paused, and then sank weakly to my knees. Trembling, I put the phone aside and tried desperately to catch my breath. But despite my efforts, I started hyperventilating.

There were so many thoughts running through my pounding head, so many questions that needed answers. What was I going to do? Why was Erec suddenly crawling back to me? Did I even want him anymore? Was he worth another try? Erec barely knew me... the real me. And maybe he'd changed, but was he right for me?

Jake, on the other hand, was my best friend. He knew so much about me, the real me. I trusted him so much. But was this just a two-week thing? I couldn't be sure Erec and I would last, but I couldn't be sure about Jake and I either. And I wasn't even sure exactly what I felt about Jake. He was more than my best friend, but how much more? If something did happen, how could I be sure the feelings wouldn't fade? And I didn't even know if Jake thought of me that way, or if I was just his best friend. He was a player. I knew that by now. But... could he change? And did I even want to go down that road? Did he?

With Erec, I knew that he wanted me. But he'd treated me so horribly the first time... I wasn't sure I wanted to give him a second chance. I knew he had been, and maybe still was, a jerk. Even if he had changed, would we be good for each other? I only knew a part of him, and he barely knew me, and getting to know each other would take a lot of work and effort... and I wasn't sure if I wanted to give that effort, even if he did.

With Jake, there were so many things I wasn't sure about. For one, Jake had started out being a jerk. But now... he was my best friend. And I wasn't sure how I felt about him yet... but I was curious. I wanted to see of anything could happen being me and Jake. But I also didn't want to get hurt. I'd seen the bad side of him. And who could be sure he wouldn't go back to his old ways once he had me? And I had no idea how he felt about me. So... not being with Erec, and possibly trying for Jake, had plenty of risks.

With Erec, I could be sure he liked me. But for how long? And would he treat me right? He hadn't the first time... How could I be sure he'd changed?

So, I was still stuck. I didn't know what to choose, who to choose. Heck, I didn't even know if Jake was a choice I could make, and I wasn't sure if I wanted Erec to be an option... I was just so confused...

I spent most of the day arguing with myself. I made a list of pros and cons. I punched my pillow to vent my anger whenever I suddenly blew up at one of them for something. I turned in the loudest music I knew and blasted it. I screamed because no one was home anyways. All day... It was like I was waiting. Waiting for a sign, something to tell me who I should get to know, who I wanted. And that sign came. But it came in a way I would never have expected.

"It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out; it's the grain of sand in your shoe."

-Robert W. Service

Sorry it took so long! But here's the next chapter. This chapter's not as good as the next, in my opinion. So we'll see(:

Anyways, who do you think she should pick?

-Alyssa <3