The World Is Ugly (But You're Beautiful to Me) | Completed

Chapter 19

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide and depression.

A/N: today's is international women's day! So just a quick shot out to all the amazing women out there who kick ass everyday by being who they are (or by breaking down every once and a while, we all need it sometimes.)

Also, I can't write smut? I tried but it went horribly, so I deleted it. Maybe next time?
...

It was closing in on nine in the evening, but Frank felt like he's been awake for days.

He looked out from the car window to the parking lot and squinted trying to determine if it was Gerard who just exited the coffee shop. It was barely drizzling, but he couldn't make anything out. He sighed and looked back into the car, staring at his hands folded in his lap, willing his brain not to think about anything.

The car door opened, making him flinch, but soon Gerard was through it and he was smiling softly to him as he handed him his cup.

"Is it too hot?" Gerard asked when Frank flinched as he took a sip too quickly; the warmth of the drink between his hands too tempting.

Frank shock his head, even though it clearly did. He just didn't want Gerard to have yet another reason to worry.

The car ride went on silently afterwards. Gerard just kept giving Frank those silent worried looks whenever he thought Frank wasn't looking and Frank hated it.

The car finally stopped, but neither men moved to get out. Frank didn't know what he was doing, until he was kissing Gerard and holding into him tightly. He felt like he hadn't kissed him in days and Gerard's lips were too soft and he tasted like coffee and he kissed back eagerly and Frank's wanted to get lost in him till he didn't know the way out. This man who loved him, who held him while he cried and who kept on loving him knowing everything about him. Frank had never had anyone who did before and he wanted to hold onto that with everything he's ever had.

Gerard stopped the kiss first, and Frank realized it was only because he had started pushing him against the door of the driver's seat.

"Frankie," Gerard breathed, touching his gloved fingers to Frank's lips to stop him from leaning in for more kissing.

"I hate this," Frank said before he could think. He realized how wrong it must've sounded because Gerard physically shrank back, "I mean this silence between us, Gee."

Gerard looked up, "I thought you were too upset to talk."

Frank smiled. He should've known Gerard was just being too Gerard; too considerate towards others, "I'm not upset because of you, Gee. Can you kiss me now, please?"

Gerard smiled and did as Frank asked, only stopping again when Frank was halfway in his lap, making it clear that he didn't want just a make out.

"Frankie," Gerard sighed, letting his forehead meet the younger man's and closing his eyes. He was silent for a moment, then he wet his lips and opened his eyes, "you're not in a good mindset right now."

Frank placed his hands on Gerard's that were surrounding his waist, "I don't care what mindset I'm in. I would want you in any," he breathed, "I've been through shittier things in my life, Gee. Believe me, one little fight with my aunt is not confusing me, if thats what you're implying," he smiled when Gerard frowned to his statement, "hey, don't make me beg. I've already been too pathetic for one evening."