The World Is Ugly (But You're Beautiful to Me) | Completed

Chapter 15

A/N: please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. Enjoy 🖤

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"I'm so tired."

Frank sighed, hugging his jacket around him tightly. He stood there in the cold by their graves and closed his eyes.

"I can feel it eating at me, ma. I wish you were here. I wish you'd never left. I wish I hadn't gone to that stupid concert. God, ma, I'm so sorry." He covered his face with his hands.

He didn't know why he was apologizing, he didn't even know why he was there. Frank's never thought of himself as weak, he's never allowed himself to be weak. Even when his parents died and everything just turned upside down in a second, he never broke down. Maybe that's why he was breaking down now, he's held on for so long and now it took the most stupid thing to break him.

Breaking down over something that happened over five years ago. A great way to spend your twentieth birthday, let him tell you.

Another sigh and some pathetic sniffing, he sat down on the ground by the tombstones. He felt like he was sixteen again. Back from the hospital, bruised with a few sutured wounds on his forehead and arms. He remembered how he wanted to sleep for hours, then it hit him. He couldn't just go up to his room and change his clothes that reeked of smoke and sweat, throwing them away in the wash for his mom to take care of them in the morning. His parents weren't there anymore to take care of anything. They weren't there to solve any of his messes.

He remembered how it only hit him then really. The fact that he was the only thing his four year-old sister got now. That they were alone, completely. It reminded him of Gerard's stupid painting that he's seen in Lindsey's parents' garage. He wondered if Gerard's ever knew loss that turned your life upside down. He wondered if Gerard's ever lost everything in a second.

"I just wanna go home." It left his mouth against his well, he drove the heels of his hands into his eyes, sniffing. Except for, he didn't know where home was.

His parents'? That home was buried six feet under his feet. Their old shitty apartment? Maybe, but it wasn't theirs anymore. Gerard's? Why did Gerard feel like home? He wasn't supposed to.

Frank hung his head between his knees, closing his eyes. He was crying and he willed himself not to be too pathetic to sob out loud.

He was lost and alone and he didn't want to fight anymore. He hated it. He hated fighting. He just wanted to give up.

He didn't even know why he was even there, or what response exactly he was waiting for. He just felt so miserable. He wanted his parents with him. He wanted to have that feeling of knowing someone got your back no matter what. No matter how much you screw up, they're always there, that feeling that only family can give. He was so tired of fighting alone all the time. He was fucking a day over twenty and he was so tired already.

What broke his heart wasn't just Gerard and whoever the guy who was with him, but everything else that felt like a mountain laying on his chest, choking him. It just all flooded out at once when he saw Gerard there with that guy. He hated how much that affected him, because when it came down to it, all he felt was jealousy, pure blinding jealousy that Gerard had a thing with another person while still saying he had feelings for Frank.

And what the hell was he doing anyway? Jumping into a thing with his fucking boss? How was this even going to work? Frank was his assistant for goodness sake. The man wrote his paycheck every fucking month.