Shattered Beauty of a Monster (Jeff the killer fanfic)

Regret

Jeffs P.O.V

I never thought about it. I didn't want to. I clung to the fact I care about her too much to lay a finger on her.

But you cared about Lui too.

Why do the voices have to come out right now.

She shouldn't lean on me. I'm a ticking time bomb and she may not care about that but I do. I can't go through that again. I just can't.

I didnt look at her. I couldn't. I hate Colby but he has a point. She's better off at her home. I'll watch over her of course but she won't know it. She'll never see me again but I'll see her thats a promise.

Shes only staying because she pitys you.

"I'm not leaving you." Her voice was escalating. I heard the pain in it and shes just making this so much more difficult then it has to be.

"You have to go."

"I don't care if you hurt me."

"WELL I DO ALEXIA. I CAN'T GO THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH AGAIN ESPECIALLY WITH YOU."

She didn't even flinch when I yelled but Colby jumped a bit. She's not phased by me anymore and that's an awful thing to know. I could have a knife to her throat and she wouldn't fight back. She's immune seems like.  Nothing I do scares her when it should. I even scare myself sometimes. This is bad. People might see this as an act of trust and understanding. Love conquers all or some bullshit, but my mind is hurricane and she's just in the eye of it. Where it's calm. Chaos erupting everywhere around her. But never because of her. But one day she may push my buttons too hard. Or get too close when its not even her fault.

Insanity has no mercy.

Spares no soul.

Those words kept repeating in my head as Colby and her were arguing.

"ITS FOR THE BEST LEX. HE'S EVEN SAYING IT FOR HIMSELF."

"ONLY BECAUSE YOU PUT THAT IN HIS HEAD."

You knew all along this would happen. Let her have someone who wont end up killing her in her sleep. You awful bastard.

She turned to me.

"JEFF YOU DON'T REALLY WANT ME TO GO DO YOU? TELL HIM YOU NEED ME HERE."

I said nothing. Of course I want her to stay. Of course I need her. Could I let her know that? Course not. Then she'll never leave.

"J-Jeff. Answer me."

Her voice breaking made my heart break.

See, you're putting her through so much pain. She deserves better.

"Im better now. I no longer need you around."

"YOU'RE LYING." Ive rarely heard her yell. And it has never been at me.

Show her shes wrong.

Kept repeating in my head. I got up looked down at her. Tears streaming down from her eyes. Usually theres a shine in her eyes but right now its fire. I did something i swear I'd never do.

"Jeff I s-said answer m-"

I raised my hand and slapped her. The second her voice cut off was the second everything stopped. The voices always fucking win. Her head turned and she stumbled a bit. I'm not sure how hard I swung but it was enough to get a small squeak out of her. What was I thinking you may ask? Nothing. No remorse. I didnt hold back.

She just stood there. Her head down and I saw the tears fall down to the floor.

"Leave. I wont repeat myself." Was all I could say.

Colby walked over and took her by her arm and pulled her away from me.

"Didn't have to hit her." I heard him say under his breath.

He was pulling her towards the door, and as he was doing so she looked up at me. With an expression that just said,

Why.

Then she disappeared through the door. Being dragged out by Colby. Then every thing clicked back together.

What did I just do.

The insanity won.

Again it has took me over.

Again it took away what I cared about.

My chest felt like closing. I couldn't breathe. My first reaction was to hold her. Hug her. Cry on her shoulder.

Shes never coming back.

"Yes she will." I repeated to the voices.

You hurt her. She hates you now. You messed it up like every thing else.

"N-no.."

She's gone.

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ouchy my feels

song of the chapter: dont lean on me- the amity affliction