Broken Hearts and a Small Glass of Lemonade

19

2 Weeks After:

Katey looks at me knowingly and puts the drawing down.  "You're getting it," she smiles.

"No I'm not," I point out.  I hold up the art work from before the accident and show the difference.  The art work I'm working on currently shows deep problems:  The trees aren't shaded enough, the water doesn't look like water, and the birds look like V's in the sky.  I huff.

"You'll get it in time," Katey assures me, taking my hand.  "You just need practice.  By the way, does that therapist still come?"

I shake my head and look back down at the sketch.  "She finally gave up."

Katey laughs and shakes her head.  "You should have let her help you."

"Why?  I don't want someone to know all of my secrets.  I mean, she's a stranger.  I didn't even know her name.  Besides, she wanted me to practice spelling on a yellow notepad!"

Katey giggles and I glare at her.

"What's so funny?" I demand, still on edge.

"You're getting so worked up about something in the past," she lets out some more giggles and soon I'm laughing with her.  About five minutes go by and we look at each other.  Katey's cheeks are red from laughing so much, and I'm sure I look the same.

"I guess I need anger management classes too," I smile.  Katey laughs and shakes her head.

"I don't know, I think you're a pretty normal person.  I like hanging out with you," she smiles and suddenly gets up.  "I have to be home at five, but I'll be back soon.  Bye!"

I watch her waltz out of the room and smile.  I haven't felt this good in a long time.  Maybe I am finally healing.  I brush the sketch into a pile of other ruined sketches and walk over to my bed.  The red comforter, which used to give me nightmares, welcomes me now.  I sit on the bed and cross my legs.  Suddenly a memory floats to the surface of my brain and I lay down in shock.  My eyes close automatically as I remember it in detail.

Riley's holding my hand and dragging me up a shallow hill.  I'm laughing and telling him to slow down, but he just tugs me along faster.  We finally get to the top and he tells me to sit down and close my eyes.  I do as I'm told, sitting cross legged, and I can hear some rustling coming from behind.  I act like I'm going to peek and he gasps and tells me to close my eyes again.  As soon as he says this, I can feel his arms wrap around me.

"Now, open your eyes," he says.  As I do, I see a small, red box in his hands.  The diamond ring that's sticking out of the velvet shines up at me.  I gasp and turn around quickly.  "We've known each other for a while..." he starts.  I nod.

"Yes, we have," I smile encouragingly.

"Mandy Gavala..." he hesitates.  "Your mother doesn't want this, I know, but if you do..."

I put my finger to his lips and smile.  "I will."

The memory is excruciatingly painful.  As soon as I open my eyes I can see the room spinning and I don't feel so great.  I get up and make my way to the bathroom.  As soon as I get there I'm wrenching my lunch into the toilet.  I stay there, gripping the sides and trying to shake off the awful feeling that I don't belong here in this house.  That something was wrong between the woman and I when the accident happened and I actually had a house or apartment of my own.

The front door clicks open and there's a whiff of perfume as the woman steps into the bathroom.

"Mandy?  Is something wrong?" I look up and her eyes go wide.  I don't realize that I am crying till one tear splashes onto my hand.  I wipe it off and shake my head.

"I want to know everything," my voice sounds dead and I can feel the atmosphere change dramatically.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the woman says.

"I want to know about my life before!" I scream.  I feel like shaking her by the shoulders and demanding to know everything, but I feel too weak to jump up.  "I want to know what happened... between us.  I want to know what happened to Dad... I want to know everything as it was before the accident.  I want to know why I don't remember you as my mother.  I want to know..."

"Okay, okay!" the woman's voice is frustrated and she comes forward.  "I'll tell you everything.  But I don't want to tell you in here.  Let me help you up."

She grabs my hand and drags me to my feet.  I sag against her, no strength left in my tired body to haul me around.  And suddenly I wish that I wasn't even here... in this house.

The woman basically pushes me to the couch and sits down next to me, her arm loops around my shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"Your father," she starts, "was a very good man.  He worked hard all his life and when he asked me to marry him, I knew I couldn't say no.  When you came along, he loved you so much, but... he couldn't stand the way I lived.  I was too clean too... organized for his taste and he filed a divorce.  When it finished, the court decided that your father was the better caretaker and you could only see me once a month.  You were only a year old when this happened.

"I was devastated, as you can imagine, because you were my one and only child and I lost you completely.  About nineteen years after the court decided this, your father passed away from a heart attack.  You naturally came back to me.  I tried my best to keep you happy, but you were too much like your dad.  You hated being organized."

I listen quietly to her voice and realize that I have been too harsh on her.  I lean on her shoulder and start to sob.  It wracks my shoulder up and down and she quickly puts her other arm around my shoulder.

"Your dad started you in art when you were five and when you came here, that's all you would do at first.  But then you started to hang out with some new friends: Lillie and Riley.  Naturally, I was happy that you had someone to talk to.  But then Riley asked me if he could marry you and I... I told him no.  Of course, he went behind my back and asked anyway.  You were all too happy to reply with a yes.  Soon, you had a wedding organized.  The day after the accident was supposed to be... your wedding day."

Tears roll down my cheeks and I push away from the couch.  This new information opens a whole new world.  That's why I don't remember the woman as my mother.  I came here not too long ago--long enough to settle in but not long enough to get it in my head that she's my mother.  I look at the woman and frown.

"Why didn't you want me to marry Riley?" I ask.

"I had someone else in mind," the woman says.  She frowns back.  "But he wasn't interested.  That's why, in the end, I agreed to help you."

I shake my head.  It's too much to take in all at once.  A headache starts to form near my eyebrows and I pinch them to make it go away.

"So, I only lived here for... how long before the accident?"

"Seven months," she answers.  I shake my head and sit down again.

"When did I draw the sketch of you and me together?" I ask.  This has been nagging me forever and I figured she might be able to give me an answer.

"I think that was when you were still coming once a month.  I don't remember which year it was," she shakes her head.  "I'm so sorry Mandy... I never knew this was going to happen."

An overwhelming sense of sadness, love, and understanding rushes over me and I sit down again.  I put an awkward left arm around her and before we know it, we're both crying on each others shoulders.  It seems so weird, to have only known this woman for a short time before the accident, but it also makes sense.  This is why I don't know her.  This is why I had no idea who she was at the hospital.  This is why I can sit here and hug her like this.  She's my mother.  And I can suddenly accept this fact.  This woman, Suzie, who is sitting next to me, is my mother.